choosing door #2 - next part in my journey

[TL72*]

Matt -
thanks so much for your kind words.
I'm so sorry about the cat, I read that on your thread yesterday and thought oh no... that's just awful. I had a cat put down on D day lol so I feel your pain. Ex emailed last night and wants to come over and visit the dogs again - another touch and go. I'm wondering if I should just say no, i'm busy. I don't want to not allow him to visit with them, they were our "children" so to speak but I can't help but feel that he's just checking to see if his doll is where he left it (me). Like i'm just a toy that can be put aside til he's ready to play with it again. Could be he just wants to visit the dogs but who knows. Matt it does take time to detach and I was reading so much I found in myself the role I played in the divorce. I was over responsible and more the mother. I was always doing things and giving (people pleaser, I think a lot of women were raised this way) and all the resentment would build up. We did not communicate well so in order for me to move on I had to address these issues in myself (and still am). I know it is impossible to just turn off your feelings like it was a water faucet or light switch. I have struggled with that. Now I have come to realize i'm not in love with ex anymore. I love him, after 17 years you don't just stop loving someone and I care about his well being, but I'm just not going to wait around for the "maybe" or the "what if" and the little crumbs he would toss my way. This person I met actually treats me in a way I've never been treated and it is all very wonderful feeling. I can be myself, no eggshells to trod on It is refreshing. Anyway, you have really nice memories, you can keep those in a box in your head, no one can take that away from you. You can hijack my thread anytime. I'm glad some of my experiences has helped you in some small way. I hate that we're all going through this but we do learn a lot. It's a creative learning experience haha All you can really do is let her go on her path and see what happens. You will be going through your own transitions now and growth and try not to get stuck on certain things. When you get stuck, like on anger or denial, grief, heck there's so many things to get stuck on, but when you do, just acknowledge it, that's half the battle of being stuck, then self correct. If you don't know how then google it and read everything you can on whatever you think you're stuck on. I never thought i'd say this ever but now i'm a bit grateful he left me because it opened a whole slew of doors and windows and let in the light and the air! Now I am enjoying my freedom and learning so much about who I am. I can't believe it but perhaps the pain was worth it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, worst pain of my life but wow things really change and change can be for the better. Gratitude- I have been very blessed. I'm really in a positive state of mind right now. Trying to keep out the negative. I'll let ya know how the visit goes sunday with the ex.