Alright DB, I'm caught up. Thank you for having 2 threads to make that easy for me. I was planning an all morning review, in between work stuff 'cause I actually DO work, believe it or not.
So, my first thoughts are that you and your W:
1. Do a whole lot of assuming 2. Have a fairly poor communication pattern 3. Do not trust each other.
The last one is the one that jumps out at me. And it's exactly why I saw red flags in the Validation thread, as you shared your message. Can you elaborate why she believes she can't trust you? After all, she's the one who has engaged in an EA, so I understand why you wouldn't trust her. What gives? Please don't hide that here - it's to help. I was one of the many who engaged in an EA which almost turned PA as well. And I understand the "why" now.
You've read a lot of good books, and I was a bit surprised to see that you've been on this journey for 2 years. That's a long time, friend. In those 2 years, has anything changed? Apparently, your communicating patterns haven't. And I'd probably like to start there.
Also, after 2 years with seemingly little progress reconciling, is that truly still your goal? Do you think if you fixed some of your systemic issues (at least on your side), your W would be open to working on things?
And since I DB'd my ass off for 2 years before my D happened, I can only speak for myself, but at the end of that journey, I really didn't even want him back anymore. So if you say that, I promise I will understand, and so would most people here.
So it's disclosure time. Tell us more about the history part, because I have a feeling the devil is in *those* details.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
