it doesn't come easily - does it- not caring after a lifetime of being caring and caring for others and about others..
if only we could shut it off for them, like a faucet. half the time i don't even like the person he is now- can i totally envision him gone forever - not really. i have no visions of future any more. glad to be alive tho- hope that continues (at least til i get a pod on my bank accounts so none of my sisters even has a prayer of inhetriting anything i've worked hard for.
nice huh? what a bunch of mean spirited women tho- i am serious - no one evetr has a kind word or word of gratitude to this woman whose left them a tidy big blob of money (ultimately) everyone is merely griping like mad about not more=- couldja die????? i'm down on human race (or at least my sisters)
would i "get used to it" if he did get lost- probably. i guess we get used to all sorts of stuff we hate the thought of in advance. well, even criminals survive in prison= our instinct to live i guess. we just keep on.
idk- i can see a sappy sentimental moment on tv and it makes me gets teary eyes. personally- i wish i could blub like a baby for about a week and get it all out. haven't been able to - at all about this- or my sister dying in 2008 - i'm still waiting for a time when it feels like everything is "done" - i guess to let loose and give in to being "weak". still feels mighty like i'm in "fight or flight" mode as usual- so can't go breaking down now.
i thougt that my mom dying would signal an end to most stress- silly me- other pressures of a different nature cropping up. thankfully- not life and death kind of stuff. just people and their bid to make others somehow responsible for their happiness.
i'm working hard at keeping my eye on the ball here. i think we all should only feel gratitude if we're alive and healthy and maybe scale back on the big expectations and entitlement junk.
just me - i'm just sayin.
hang on man- i walk too - i have resentment too - i try not to let brain go there. i see all around me women running the family- totally - totally - tey ARE the glue that holds it all together and keeps everyone alive and functioning. i don't know what to say about that- the moms raise the kids and keep the family unit together.
can you tell i'm raised in a house of women and lack any big glowing examples of men taking care of kids ???? never saw it happen really.
good news is - they will love and adore you til you die- fathers, maybe, but not so much. it's the moms who rule the world - there below the surface - in reality - in life.
sorry men- your compadres do not always make a good showing when it comes to kids and caregiving.
