cake eating with ice cream huh?? HMMM... can't be doing that then!!! I won't allow it. Patting myself on the back for not caving...
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I really do deserve better....when will I feel better about this? When will I be loved again?
... sad tonight, missing the life I want!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
The life you want is not in the direction you have been running in.
You have a LOT of excuses btw. How do you ask an employee to do something for years and they haven't done it?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I've pulled fit back as my h is so self centered he thinks its all about getting him back even the property settlement, is in his eyes a chance to say I'm coming back.
Seeing your thread tho magic, show me how although he's been around 11years it's all about his point of view, even tho he thinks he gives stuff, it's all about what's good for h. With no effort apart from a crumb here and there, the a is ok cause it's my fault and he's the victim. Right!
Hop in the boat and row, I'm rowing and the circles getting bigger.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
11 days & counting!! (patting myself on the back).
Saw this on an older thread, wanted to remind myself & anyone else who is dropping the rope:
Tough love is about setting boundaries and not enabling his poor choices.
The we will remain friends speech is just that. A speech. It is to ease his guilt at his actions by saying. See she agree's I can behave this way towards her and she will still be there for me. That is one of those conversations they say and as long as it sounds like you agree or validate. Then you agree to everything they are doing.
If you had said.
No. You lose me as a lover and as a friend. We will be acquaintances with a shared history and no more.
That would have given him something to think about. Most likely there would have been some crocodile tears and some well wishing tossed in for good measure but it would have been a truth date tossed at him that would have hit home later.
So tough love. If someone says they are removing you from your life. Then you stop meeting their emotional needs. You stop doing their laundry. Stop having sex with them. Stop being intimate with them. Stop being around them.
You explain this to them once. Then you stick to your boundaries.
Let them experience the life they just said to you they want.
And when they drop a few crumbs to see if you nibble.
You stick with your tough love and boundaries.
It is at this moment when they will experience crisis. The crisis you went through when they gave you the speech.
This is where they start to come around and work hard at matching their words with their actions.
Or they just carry on leaving you.
Or you give in and accept crumbs and they carry on with keeping you in a holding pattern.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
So, after reading the posting on another thread and reposting to yours today....where are you at in the tough love department?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
.... and when they drop a few crumbs to see if you nibble,
I AM STICKING WITH MY TOUGH LOVE & BOUNDARY!! Let him experience life without me.
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Today I will:
1) Approach Xbf on our financial situation & ask that he prepare himself & move forward with me or that I will be contacting a lawyer to proceed next week. NO more stalling.
2) Await response from accountant on getting a monthly salary.
3) Organize boxes, so M&D's place doesn't look like a bomb hit at the front door!
4) Not settle for crumbs.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
1) Approach Xbf on our financial situation & ask that he prepare himself & move forward with me or that I will be contacting a lawyer to proceed next week.
Isn't this about securing and separating your financial part of the business from him? Why would you tell him to prepare himself and move forward with you or else? It sounds like a threat.
Keep the business and personal lives separated.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Magic, Please clarify what you meant by this statement: "1) Approach Xbf on our financial situation & ask that he prepare himself & move forward with me or that I will be contacting a lawyer to proceed next week. NO more stalling."
Are you trying to threaten him into doing what you want? What are you hoping to gain by this so called threat?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
