Ok here we go

[Mach1]

From your response to Cadet, it seems that you have your mind made up already, so I doubt that I will influence you at all, and I am okay with that.

It is also highly unlikely that you will find much support with your current stance on your marriage.

Many people here are fighting with every ounce of energy that they have, to be in a position of their spouse willing to work through their problems, and let their marriage become disposable...

Married 19 yrs, separated 2
When we were first married my w was a fun energetic woman. But very quickly into our marriage things started to change. After our son was born and I was hired at a ver good job it was decided that she would stay home. I would work. At the time she had just decided that we should move and 1.5 hrs away from the city to the country because she needed the space . Let me be clear that throughout our marriage this occurred a lot. W made all the decisions. Only because if she didn't get her way she would argue and push and fight and finally withdraw any support should my choice fail. It made daily life kinda miserable and I learned very quickly to let her have her way.

Why did she make decisions ?

Because she was in the moment and life more than you, with the hours and energy that you put into working ??

Was working more important than being in that moment with her ??

Very good job, to a Man = a LOT of time away from the home. You worked, and the more that you worked, the more obligation that you felt to the house, and the more obligation that you felt, the more entitled that you became, and the more entitled that you became, the more resentment you built, due to unmet, unspoken expectations...

You did have a say, and an opinion, you just "chose" not to voice it.

You are not a victim of her choices, you are only a victim of your own choices...

W stayed at home while I commuted and worked. In her mind stay at home meant watching our son. Not doing the laundry cleaning the house of preparing dinners. At least not on a regular basis. Nod eventually it didn't mean watching our son with. As soon as he was old enough off he went to daycare 3 days a week. She need a "little down". When our D came along several years later and the same pattern was applied. W took on part time jobs.

Wow, that is a LOT of resentment in those words....

So let me ask you this...

2 young children in the house...

Who do you think was caring for them while you were at work all day ???

Who was changing diapers, feeding, chasing around the house, Doctors appointments, pre-school, field trips, birthday parties, and the list goes on and on ??

Now, YOU may have been at working providing a stable financial life, yet being a full time Mother is just as exhausting, probably more exhausting than the relief that the working partner gets at their job...

I cannot tip my hat far enough, for what a SAHM does during her day. I didn't always get it either....

Did you ever once, stop living within your own head, long enough to be empathetic to her day ??

Did you ever try to listen to what her day consisted of ???

Her trials and tribulations through out raising YOUR children ???

How old was he when he went to Daycare ???

7 years ago started the 5 year stretch without sex. Yes 5 years!!! I couldn't take it. She did something she did frequently, she went through my phone and saw I had written get rid of wife as one of my goals. She confronted me( she always confronted me when she went through my phone of opened my mail). And I finally had the guts to say yes. I want out. Since then it has been an up and down roller coast. I don't love her anymore. She cannot seem to get this. She says she's changed and now she realizes I was the problem all the time!!!

You really should educate yourself on what drives the passion within a Woman...

Men have a very strong tendency to withdraw emotionally from a relationship when they are faced with OUR daily struggles of life...

Women withdraw from meeting a Man's physical needs, when the emotional part is not fulfilled...

Rough day at work ?

Who do we tend to unleash that on..

Bad commute ???

Who hears about that...

Some jerk at the office ???

Who hears our vent about that..

Yea, and when do we find the time to fuel our partners emotional fire ????

Men fuel their fire through the physical side of the relationship, women fuel their passion through the emotional side...

I would assume that the lack of sex was an EQUAL part of the routine...

You didn't feed the emotion, she didn't feed the physical...

And typically, when there is the lack of feeding those key elements, there is an outside reason when Men give up trying...hence her searching through your phone.

Was it the right thing to do ???

Probably not, and I do understand your resentment...

Although, if you are honest, she DID have good reason to be suspicious now didn't she ???


Look,it is real easy to sit back and find blame for one person during the demise of a relationship, and it is a lot easier to blame our spouse for our own deficiencies...

You sound angry, you sound entitled, and a little arrogant about how much that YOU gave to the Marriage. And I really hope that you are willing to take a look at YOUR role in the failure of your Marriage....because I am pretty sure, that SHE gave just as much, you just choose to not see it....

From what I read here, the mis-communication ran wild throughout your relationship. A lot of assuming on both parts, and the eventual punishing of each other though words AND actions. And I do not see you owning any of your part.



You said that you want to be Divorced...

So what exactly would you like to take from posting HERE ???

You will get help here, just maybe the not the help that you are expecting...

With your words, this becomes about healing you....

If you read this, and choose NOT to continue, then I wish you luck in your next relationship....