I read your comment on "some good things" going on with him and i don't believe it (anymore).
i think now, sadly, that whenever he is nice or attentive it's his sick compulsion before seeing ow. it may be crazy- but there you have it.
he is all pleasant- charming- what? making sure "i'm still there" so he can tra la off and get laid with a clear mind. everything is in it's place (his faithful dog). sittin by the door of the "old homestead" waiting faithfully- pant pant -
sorry- someday i'd love to be shown to be wrong- but i am not buying it currently.
i have trouble viewing anything he says or does that is nice as (a gesture of caring). i get that it is in some wierd way an expression of caring *(or possession?) - because why bother really? otherwise - - -
but give me plain ole, no agenda, no strings, unvarnished happy & spontaneous affection...... nothin fancy- just real...
it's too wierd tho for me to buy into or have any expectation or hope about.
he's made me soooo cynical about him- it's a shame. it's not my usual m.o. and i find it streessful to always remind myself to not allow self to go there- to the caring alot place.
but, i do appreciate your thoughts and comments - it all helps alot - and i'd like to hope somehow this all ends up "rite" - i just don't honestly know what i would see when that happened?
know what i mean? the wind is out of my sails at the moment - i can't seem to get inspired about my life's path- i'm just open and floating and wondering where the heck the tide will chuck me up on the shore - know THAT feeling... not bad- not good - not nothin...
sorry to be dreary in the face of possible progress -
i just feel "too tired" last couple days- i'll get rite out today and see a bunch of folks and rejoin the human race. my neice has been coming over every evening to work on her homework and visit - so i'm not brooding at all.
she's good company and i'm very glad to help and edit, listen, whatever and feel useful to her. she's a good student- she's got "stuff" in her little life as well.
i think we help each other - without either ever really sayin it or maybe realizing it-
anyway- ta da-
i am sorry to report how skeptical and disbelieving and negative i may be- i do see it tho, i cannot see how you get rid of it- been burned- do not stick hand in fire-
