I don't think there is a problem with analysing, and understanding what is going on and why. It seems normal to me.
The only time it is a problem is when it prevents us from living our own lives.
Two books (very different) that I have found helpful are 1. Robert Lundy 'Why does he do that' which is all about emotional abuse. Everything you say seem to me to be signs of emotonal abuse. What right does one adult human to 'teach the other a lesson' I mean really, really? My xh also replicated the behaviour of his parents who who had little to do with all his life. Old patterning I guess.
The second book is Iain Mc Gilchrist 'The Master and his Emissary' which is all about the relationship between the right and brain hemispheres. What I gained from this long and well researched book is that a lot of these guys function mainly from their left brain - fact, fact, fact, and do not seem able to connect very well with the land of emotion. But in another way they are operating out of unrecognised emotion.
I believe the MLCers love us, at least many of them do, but it is all twisted up and confused. In my case I am better away from him and who he is now. In your case you may be keeping him going while he frolics in MLC affair land.
Some want to stay connected with their life time partner and others do not.
I think what I would do in your circumstances is to go on building a separate life, until you feel at a point when you really can make a decision. I think we know when it is time - it may be time by other people's clocks but they are not living in our heads. I would sometimes like to be one of those decisive people and just make a decision and get on with it, but we are not all the same, and have different emotional landscapes.
