My assignment is read through Codependent No More once again and outline the things that stand out to me so we can discuss them at my next appt. We are going to come up with short term and long term goals.
Regarding WAW, you were spot on Mach. He said "she's in the middle of a hurrican trying to hang drapes." He said she hasn't cut all ties with me so he assumes she is struggling with her identity, dealing with raw emotions minus the alcohol. He also said during the first year of sobriety, alcoholics should avoid making major life changes. Welllll.... we moved to another town,enrolled her daughter in a new school, looked at houses with a realtor, she changed jobs, we were talking about getting married, and then finally she left me.
Clearly this was too much for her to handle and she probably buckled from the stress. What's weird, is that she was pushing for most of these changes. I was more inclined to take our time and ease into things. Makes me wonder why she pushed so hard only to 180 and leave me.
Next appointment is on Monday. It can't get here soon enough.
My H was apparently in or approaching crisis too when he advocated moving cross country again, buying a house when we could have rented, etc. His behavior since then shows very clearly that he's been reacting to circumstances and doesn't have a clear enough head to do much planning. But it sounds like you're getting some great information, and in this situation, when so much is uncertain and unclear, information can be a great comfort. I'm glad you found a helpful IC.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I'm feeling discouraged. There's been absolutely no movement/contact/or view of WAW since the bomb.
I know DB'ing is for me and I'm going to continue on. I just wish there was SOMETHING to go off of. I'm starting to think that maybe we'll never talk again, period. She has issues she's dealing with, yes, I get that. To go from full steam ahead with planning our future, to absolutely nothing in a matter of days, really messes with my mind.
I'm doing everything I can to detach but sometimes it gets the better of me.
I miss her. I miss her friendship. I just miss being goofy with her.
Yeah, my IC pretty much said the same thing. Her "friend" (alcohol) is no longer around and all of the feelings, thoughts etc. from her past are re-appearing.
It blows my mind because she wasn't always down or depressed or even angry. In fact, most of the time, she was happy and dancing around and making funny faces (or at least acted like it).
I don't think I've ever felt this raw before. This experience has made me question my faith in relationships in general. I know that's skewed thinking, but I'm being honest with how I feel right now.
Lot of WAW talk again. It's hard to detach when you keep talking about her and wondering the why's. I played the why game for months and in the end my conclusion was 'who the hell knows and I may never know'. Playing that game kept me stuck for a long time.
So being goofy...don't you have a D14? My guess is she would like to see the goofy side of dad. There are other ways to be goofy too. One thing I did that really helped me was volunteering in children area of church for 4-5 year olds. I would do all 3 services on some Sunday's. It's hard not to laugh when playing with those guys.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
