Forgiven lazy husband - reconcilliation possible?

[rayzzz]

OK so I am in sad missing mode right now. My WAW. I did a great job of being upbeat and letting her know the kids and I had a great day...but inside you'd think she could hear my heart shattering to pieces.
We did homebirths for all three of our kids and I am just so astounded that I was there pushing on her back, comforting, sharing the first cries of each child...and now she is "so done. Too little too late. i would've left ages ago if it wasnt for the kids" man. Its like her cup is broken on the bottom so any love i try to give her keeps pouring out but the hope is that my DBs change me and then the water would be like good old molasses or honey and stay in that cup someday. But she said she was "infuriated" with me last month....so she has levels of anger she is going to have to let go and that is gonna take a long time...patience..patience
Well onto GALing tomorrow; shopping for kids AND me (first in awhile), doing a picnic with kids in an unexplored park and then out to a movie with an old friend. Starting an acoustic jam night with a few musician friends, take up fly fishing again and see what I can sign up for at the Continuing Ed college and saving for a tattoo I have always wanted but didnt have the guts to do. bring it!
In my spirit I always hear "This is the best thing thats ever going to happen to me" and when I get past the pain and believe it I know it is. I am not ever going to be the man I was. I am working hard on the way better man I am becoming with or without her.