hope456 - he filed, what now?

[hope456]

Maybell, Thornton, Ray, Claire and 25 - Thank you for your kind words and support. Honestly, while these behaviors/comments by my H bother me, they don't surprise me anymore. That's sad.

I don't even get what he means...

IS he taking HER with him?

Or is this inconveniencing him, b/c now he'll have to delay his trip? OR cut it short or, God forbid, cancel & re-schedule it? What does it have to do with telling her anything?

He does not mean that he is taking her with him. Really, he means that this is an inconvenience he didn't expect to have to deal with. I may have mentioned it earlier today, but I'm not sure. H has said on more than one occasion since BD, that we NEVER have to tell D7 about the D. Ummm, yes. We do.

Yeah, so, how does that 'plan' relate to telling her? When would HE LIKE to tell her?

God, what about when she asks him 3 totally predictable follow up questions?

He didn't offer any suggestions on when he would rather do it. I find it difficult to believe that he's going to be camping from tomorrow when school lets out through Sunday evening. When he does go camping, it is generally at a state park less than an hour from where we live, so it isn't like he'll be very far away. One would think that he could find an hour to talk to our D. As far as his answers to those questions, I'm very concerned about what he might say. I doubt he's thought it through.

And yet Hope, he'd probably kill or die for her. In HIS way, he does love her.

But he's very limited in what he's able to give her now, or you...and maybe he'll be that way for a very long long time.

You're right. He does love her. If he felt she were in danger, he would do anything to protect her. I know those things. I wish, for her sake, that he would make her his first priority sometimes. I find it so hard (impossible, really--and probably futile, too) to reconcile this kind of behavior with his statements about needing an S and a D because then he'll be a better father. Not really seeing the results on that one yet.

You, OTOH, are doing great. What a wonderful gift you are for your d to have.

Thank you. I needed to hear that

There are a couple of things I wanted to throw out here for advice:

-I'm having second thoughts about telling D7 this weekend. One of the families in our neighborhood is moving tomorrow (military dad) and D7 is already pretty upset about her friends leaving. It seems like a lot for her to deal with in a single weekend.
-I've been thinking about my fear a lot today. I know that I have some fear about me losing my H (being alone, not finding someone else who loves me). I think more of my fear, though, is for my D7. I know that I will always make her a top priority and be there for her and show her how much I love her. BUT, I don't trust my H to not do what my mom did or his dad did. I get that I can't make him be a good father. I can't make him be there for her. I know I don't have control over it. Still, I have so much fear about her having a childhood that is like mine was.

On a positive note, the play I went to see tonight was actually a musical comedy. I LOVE musicals, so it was a nice surprise. It was Xanadu, which I had never seen before. I laughed SO much and had a great time. The margaritas at dinner probably helped with the laughter

Oh, and on another positive note, D7 was on the A honor roll for the whole year. I'm so proud of her.