I'm going to block out the white noise in the post and narrow down to your daughter. That jumped out at me the most and my heart bleeds for her from afar.
Originally Posted By: Matt165
Everyone, She had her L call and tell her that my L is asking for full custody and she freaked out telling me that I was an evil person who wants to manipulate my D to hate her because I'm so upset about her leaving me
Why are you surprised to hear W saying this ^^ as it is her perception which is supported by this:
Originally Posted By: Matt165
When I told her I wanted my D to choose, she freaked out and ran away, never let me finish my sentence.
That is manipulation in my book. Why would you even say this? Oh my gosh! To put that on the tender shoulders of a young teen at 14 isn't cool at all!!! Put yourself in her shoes. She'd vomit at the thought that she is responsible for choosing to live with one of you. Let's say D14 "picks" to live with her mother...result? You're unhappy. Or D14 "picks" to live with her father...result? W is unhappy. She'll eventually come to believe that ONLY she could prevent your divorce. What a burden!!!!
The pair of you will need to work this arrangement with the lawyers and come to an agreement.
Originally Posted By: Matt165
She KNOWS my D will choose me because she hasn't been a mother for YEARS!
This isn't based on fact. It is based on your JUDGMENTAL assumption that your W is a "bad" mother. Have you or D directly told W that D has chosen to live with you? That is operating on the knowledge that your daughter has already been told about the divorce and her mother's move. I have not seen that posted here. Unless I missed it somewhere.
Have either one of you told your daughters of the impending divorce? Not now when your emotions are running high from the blow-up. At some point, it will need to happen sooner or later.
I have plenty to say about your comments about FIL and other white noise in your post. However, for now...I want you to pay attention to HOW you are conducting yourself when it comes to your daughters. Especially 'making' D14 to choose between her father and mother! How insane!!!
