What to do

[Cadet]

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Can you please elaborate on this Cadet? I'm not sure that I can put it to context here.

It is a general rule that I would say applies all the time.

You gave things that you feel you have done wrong that are the "CAUSE" of this marital breakup.
And you should work on those things.
They may or may not FIX your marriage.

However your wife also is the cause of some of these issues and the breakup of your marriage.

Marriage is 50/50 and you can not give more than 100% of your 1/2 of the marriage, she must also do the same.

You can not FIX her half, she must do that.

Seems to me that communication is a problem in your marriage.
Maybe your wife is not being as honest as you think.
Maybe there are some CONTROL issues at work here and also co-dependcy.

So why do you feel that what I wrote does not apply?

[Ben2010]

Went to the C today. We discussed what was going on between us and he wants me to invite her to come next time. Anyone have any suggestions as to how to do this without coming accross as needy or clningy. Also DB and DR are both supposed to arive today and i also picked up 5LL(Men's edition) and Hope for the Seperated. So Im super excited for lunch break and getting off work tonight.

[Ben2010]

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Can you please elaborate on this Cadet? I'm not sure that I can put it to context here.

It is a general rule that I would say applies all the time.

You gave things that you feel you have done wrong that are the "CAUSE" of this marital breakup.
And you should work on those things.
They may or may not FIX your marriage.

However your wife also is the cause of some of these issues and the breakup of your marriage.

Marriage is 50/50 and you can not give more than 100% of your 1/2 of the marriage, she must also do the same.

You can not FIX her half, she must do that.

Seems to me that communication is a problem in your marriage.
Maybe your wife is not being as honest as you think.
Maybe there are some CONTROL issues at work here and also co-dependcy.

So why do you feel that what I wrote does not apply?

I wasnt saying that what you wrote doesnt apply. I was saying that I didnt know exactly what that means or how I can apply this to whats going on. By no means do I think that my situation is unique. I do agree that she has also caused some of the issues in our marriage and I dont think i understood that before doing alot of reading. Im praying that she is willing to admit some fault here and that she is also willing to work on fixing things.

[MrBond]

Don't ask her. She doesn't want to be with you right now because of your past behaviors. Change yourself into a better person first.

[Ben2010]

Don't ask her. She doesn't want to be with you right now because of your past behaviors. Change yourself into a better person first.

I trust your judgement, however, she asked me last time i went if the C wanted her to come. I told her the C asked if she was willing to come and i said yes. She reaffirmed it when i said that.

[Cadet]

I wasnt saying that what you wrote doesnt apply.
I was saying that I didnt know exactly what that means or how I can apply this to whats going on.
By no means do I think that my situation is unique.
I do agree that she has also caused some of the issues in our marriage and I dont think i understood that before doing alot of reading.
Im praying that she is willing to admit some fault here and that she is also willing to work on fixing things.

As Mr Bond said above she might be willing to admit to some fault but it will be years down the road.
Not right now.

So as far as how this applies to you, it is exactly what it says

Believe none of what she says and Half of what she does.

Another words ACTIONS not WORDS.

And I would say the same thing to her, to believe YOUR actions not YOUR words.
So if you want to speak to her use actions to communicate not words.

Does that make sense?

[Ben2010]

Yeah that makes sense. I just really didnt think it would take years to get her to admit that she did anything wrong here. I would like to point out that she has never said she was done and/or wanted a D. This whole thing was just to see if we would miss each other. Just the brief amount of stuff I have read so far I am learning so much. I am a relationship retard.

[Cadet]

Just the brief amount of stuff I have read so far I am learning so much. I am a relationship retard.

Yea - most of us are when we get here.

By the time you graduate you have your PHD.

After you read DB/DR
Look for a book called the five love languages,
you may even be able to read about it on line or get it from the library.

[Ben2010]

I bought 5LL(Men's edition). That will be next on my list. Im about halfway through Hope for the Seperated right now.

[Ben2010]

I need some advice still on how to handle phone calls/texts.

-Should I sometimes not answer and maybe text back a little later to see whats up?

-Should i let her be the last to text me?