I don't mean to sound detrimental, but I am not sure all the steps I've heard about getting back to a happy, health sex life are the best path if my W is struggling with a mental illness. I can't say for sure that's what it is, but at the same time I don't think even a simple, would-be-effective conversation is a good idea until we know more about what's going on with her.
Uh, this kind of whacked me for a moment. I didn't even consider this one. And you're right in that it's highly unlikely any of this will work under that umbrella.
And you and 25 both said what I was thinking: Unless *she* feels there is a problem, she doesn't think there *is* a problem. And that in itself is telling.
I'm still thinking that there is more to this than you've told us or think or have shared. Sometimes it's not what is being said but in the manner it's being said. Trust me, we're having issues in my family of origin on this one, and it's my younger sister who has terrible bedside manner when talking about really important stuff. So she loses her message because her approach is the complete opposite of empathetic. She comes across as a judgmental nurse ratchet. Oddly enough, I agree with her, but she just won't put herself in the other person's shoes and contemplate how she'd want to hear the message she was delivering. So instead of having any conversation, there's a big wall and no turning back. You can't unsay words that have been said unkindly.
That's why I ask you to do a mental review and see if at anytime you presented this type of front to her when talking about a highly personal and emotional topic.
You might find Wonka's Validation Cheat Sheet thread helpful as well.
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We're not where we need to be, but all that will make being patient so much easier now. I'm sure it must sound at least a little selfish, but trust me when I say it didn't feel that way. I'm aware it wasn't what's going to put us on the right path completely, but I don't take it for granted either.
Awesome. You've got that working for you, Grey. Keep your eye on the forest... not the tree in front of you.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
