Hi, I am glad I found this board! It seems pretty active. I don't know where to Begin. I guess about a year and a half ago my mother died. I was devastated and sunk into a depression. I dealt with depression most of my adult life. After my mom passed my sister and her grown son, my nephew moved in with us. It was a bad choice. They both ended up getting kicked out at different times. After that chaos. My husband blamed me for putting them before him, and not listening to him when he said it was a bad idea. I apologized said he was right, it should have never happened. I was just grabbing onto them because there was no one else in my family. Again I put my foot in my mouth, because he feels he and the kids should be enough. That's not how I meant it though. I have no grandparents, no parents, now no sister or nephew. He said he couldn't get passed all of that, and he left. We have 2 teenagers, my daughter is 17 and she blew up at him. Saying she hated him for making her mother cry, she wished he was dead. Etc. Even after all that I wanted to work on things maybe go to marriage counseling. I am in counseling for myself. He said it was too late. We have grown apart. We have been married 23 years. I don't want to give it all up. He has the money to go and get an apartmen, right now he is staying at his parents. I sent him and email on Wednesday asking him to come home we all missed him, and we could work on things. I talked to him the following day, and he said he was looking at apartments. That the email sent him into a panic attack. He wasn't coming back and he just wants peace in the house. So why would it cause a panic attack if his mind was set? He is being kind, not doing anything with the money. Stating he doesn't hate me he just doesn't want to be with me. He said he will always take care of the kids. I feel so hurt that he won't work on things. I feel worthless. I haven't contacted him again, he did come here on Saturday and took the boys out to eat. I am confused about the 180, because if he thinks I am depressed and don't care about him and didn't put him first. Should I go on as life is fine? Anyway that's a lot of babbling if you read this all Thank You!
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Thanks for the responses! Yes I know I am depressed. I have been on medication and I just had it increased. He told me he got an apartment. That it wouldn't break our finances.
He has completely detached, even with the kids. He does text them good Night, just the boys. Last night I texted him that he needed to text our daughter too, even if things are chaotic she needs to know you love her. He said he would. He left the house on Sunday of last week, Monday I caught my 15 yo smoking, Tuesday he was suspended. Husband didn't seem fazed. I don't think it's just me, I don't think he was the chaos of a family. Like he would be better just visiting.
Today I feel okay, I know it may not last. Not having to see or hear him helps. I am also in therapy.
I have been with him since I was 17. I don't have a support system, so I signed up for a divorce support group...
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I think I posted this earlier, if I did sorry, I am new at this! As far as depression goes I have always had it. I am in therapy. I take medication and recently had it increased. I am trying to get out and do things. I signed up for some divorce support to get me out of the house and with people. Thing is I really don't have friends. I have work friends and Facebook. No one I can just call. So it's not been easy. He called yesterday he put in an application for the apartment. I asked where it was and how many bedrooms. I kept it short and polite. 1 bedroom, so I am assuming he doesn't want the kids for any length of time. I am soooo drained right now. I go from being sad, to angry to feeling like a fool. I didn't sign up to be a single parent, of three teens! So he can come for a couple hours in the weekend and be wonder dad, and I can do everything else. This week my son turns 19, my youngest has his 8th grade dance, and my daughter is taking her SAT's and it's me that will be there. Part of me feels like he must have never loved me at all. I can handle him hurting me, but not them.
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Just got a text, "I just got approved for my apartment I move in next Thursday." just responded "okay I will start boxing up your stuff." I am so deflated. Every time I start to feel okay it's like he is ripping open a wound.
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Hi Bonita, I don't have many words of wisdom but I will say what I know others will. If you have not read Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy read them!! I know you feel lost right now but trust me you can pull yourself out of this hole. GAL (getting a life) helps tons!
I feel you about the kids, my H has worked out of the country for 6 years, only home a few weeks at a time a couple times a year. I'm a nag, a B, annoying etc. etc. and he's a cool guy who buys them things. My IC calls him the "disneyland" dad.
Not sure about packing his stuff up. What would you have done in the past? Do the opposite! Also, I mentioned separating H's things from mine and my IC said NO! Let him do it himself. Just something to think about.
Hang in there and take care of yourself first!
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Thank you for your response. I need to pack some of his stuff out of our bedroom. He can do his office and other stuff. Since it is my bedroom now, I don't want to see all his stuff in there, too sad. I am trying to GAL, not so easy for me!
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Okay I pretty much did everything I Not supposed to do!! We met up for my sons 8th grade dance. He asked about the kids, and I told him. They are upset, my daughter doesn't want to see him. My son wasn't sure if he wanted him at the dance, I was the one one that said it was okay. The kids are upset her is taking things from the house. He didn't seem fazed. He said he is trying to make this as easy as possible. I said it will never be easy. He said he thinks it will be when he moves into his place, his 1 bedroom apartment, we have 3 teens?! What does he think 3 teens are going to sleep on the couch? I kept my cool though, I didn't cry or get angry I was very matter of fact. I told him I would take the kids out of the house so he could come and move his stuff.
It's so odd it's almost surreal. Like he isn't the same person.
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So my H moves into his new place on Thursday. He asked the boys to help him move in. I was crushed, I mean he is asking his kids to help him leave their mother?! I said nothing... I know the kids want to help and be a part of his life. I don't need to bad mouth, they will figure it out on their own. I am still trying to GAL. Started an excerise program and support group. Every night I end up crying myself to sleep. It's so awful. I am hoping once all his stuff is out of here. I will be able to focus a bit more. I do love him, but I can't be around him knowing he doesn't feel the same way. I feel like I need to be stronger person first. I keep trying to read into things, and I can't do that.
Last edited by BonitaL; 06/10/1401:55 AM.
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