Wounded - can you be specific on what you mean to show him I appreciate him in the 180? You know he did reach out after I went pretty dark and would ask me things about our animals and stupid things. I just never responded. Then he stopped after he did this a few times and didn't get a response from me . Is that what I'm supposed to be doing is completely ignoring him on anything except the kids and household bills? I also have told him since day one I was validating his feelings - I'm sorry I made you feel that way I'm sorry you felt nothjng was good enough. When he would ever actually put money in the bank to help I would make sure to text him and say thank you for taking care of this, etc.
Note that a 180 or going dark is not accomplished by ignoring. Roughly, think of it like: let him make first moves as far as contact/making a call/etc. If he makes a call or a text to you, feel free to answer (though it doesn't have to be 5 seconds after you received a contact.... wait a few minutes, wait an hour, be able to prioritize the important ones from general malaise.
Its not appreciating him "in the 180", you had mentioned before, he felt unappreciated. So the 180 is to MAKE him feel appreciated.
Some examples (hypothetically):
You mention some shared bills, If you find out he paid something, on time. Make it a point to text: "hey, I see you paid the ____ thank you for doing that, I appreciate it.
He takes the kids, if they talk about going to _____ (or doing _____), send him a text: Thanks for taking the kids to ______, they said they had fun, I appreciate you doing that.
He moves more of his stuff out of the house, send him a text afterwords: Thanks for moving your stuff, I appreciate you doing that.
Last edited by woundedfool; 06/05/1403:45 PM.
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
