I have a neighbor who was a LBW. (Left Behind Wife).
She was stunned that her h left her. (The kids had just finished college and the youngest had moved out so I assume the h had been planning on this for a long time.)
See, the thing is, she told me that they'd had sex a few times a year, for MANY YEARS. I think she forgot she had told me.
Since I knew that, I did blurt out to her, "well, no offense b/c I know you're deeply hurt. But friend, what were you thinking, when you said 'no' all those years?"
To which she said "Not this!"
I assume she thinks she should have said "yes" more often but right now she's too mad at her h for not warning her I suppose. But I specifically recall her complaining about HIM "pressuring" her, so this topic is not new to my ears. OTOH, she's genuinely surprised by this. I mean, she's not lying...
I guess if she'd known he was lonely enough to want to seek out the affection of OW, she'd have done things differently.
(to be fair, I don't KNOW that he's got an OW. He may well not have one, b/c he's the type of guy who would file first and THEN Seek it out. But my h and I both saw this coming, which kind of makes it sadder).
Wow.
I hope it doesn't ever come to anything like this with my M. I don't think it will though, particularly because of the information here and learning that things have to be discussed before they turn into insurmountable issues.
That's why I'm glad to be here. It really does help people like me recognize that you can't be passive. I am lucky, I think. I've read so many storied (like with your neighbor) where people found the help they needed so late into their broken relationship. I found this place early on, without ever coming to a point of hate or anger with my W, if not simply being frustrated and upset.
And for me, I don't think it will come to what your neighbor had to deal with. We're not even close to that yet, and I don't think she's holding back to spite me or anything like that; I think it's more internal and medical, but likely a combination of both. I could be wrong, but at least in the meantime I'm not making it worse. Thanks for sharing. These stories, it's amazing how much they help with clarity.
