I just wanted to blip in and say hi and what alot of stuff going on in your life.... i'd be freaking out- i am trying hard in life to just stay rite in the day, in the moment. I worry about a fulltime job too- been out of work force 20 years having a nice life too-
you'd have to be crazy NOT to have a bit of apprehension- but i reckon we'll do it when we must, and that will be that. remember how that allhappens in life- you get something shoved down your throat and you just swallow it- or spit it out- but til it happens no sense stressing too terribly in advance. savor the days you're not working- it'll be okay i think when you do, and when i do.
I work sporadically- and i like it - after allll these years at home- the st imulation makes me feel very lively and out there in life. it's good- i think you'll be okay and actually like it (or not mind it) - the grind of getting up and getting there aside. it'll be a good thing for both of us- HOW'S THAT for trying to be upbeat about something that might be a bit scary.
compared to surviving this mlc junk and not falling apart on the floor- working will be a walk in the park. just one more thing we need to do- and do.
I'M HOPING that was supportive - and not just dreary. i do believe it. if you can pull back and stay in today- that might help too- i find contemplating the "future" to be a huge downer.
I just cannot "see" it anymore- so i'm abandonign it. besides - who the heck knows what it holds? it could be anything- you could be swept off your feet with love tomorrow- or I could be hit by a bus- no sense even trying to anticipate. i feel loosely like it will be okay, in the end.
you are dealing with a heck of alot of stuff. i truly regret (now) not having kids. oh well huh? too little too late. your kids sound great and being involved with them will keep ya grounded - no s\mall thing. i have my neices and we're close - so that helps tremendously - someone that we care about and have a hand in "guiding" somewhat.
you're sounding good- hang on- one way or the other, all the junk will sort itself out - . i'm goinmg to try t's matra as well. i do need to do something to conquer the little resentment issues i have. i'm not overwhelmed with it or by it- but i'm certainly not all that genrous in spirit. i'll give it a whirl - wishing well to h - it'll be a stretch for me.
personally- i'd like to see him have a sudden burst of "realization" of what he's working so hard to destropy and how empty his life will be without me - and fall on the floor wailing in misery - a pretty picture - (maybe all his hair spontaneously drop out of his head - well, maybe his (uh hem - you know ) fall off , i don't think it's gonna hjappen- he does need to cry and feel despair tho - in life, just once - for his mother, his father , his brother - all the people he says he feels nothing for (???) - wtf? how do people get like that??? ya gotta wonder.
me- we love everyone - we believe everyone - we think we're allllll people together and need love like everyone else - and deserve it, happiness, appreciation, etc.....
peace out man- can't we all just get along?>>>>.......
well, maybe a little revenge. it's pitiful what he's made me feel- God alone knows what they feel- oh well- trying to rise above my petty little desire for them to feel what they've dealt out to us. NOTE TO SELF- write the stinkin matra down and say it - alot - try to make it part of my brain....
ohmmmmmmmm....... good luck - hang on- you do sound like you're doing well handling alllll this stuff.....
