Barrybran - New Thread

[Barrybran]

Geez, first post for June. It's a positive one too. I had my best day with my wife since February today and I feel I DB'd out of the park.

We traveled out of town to meet with our solicitor regarding a mediation scheduled for next week with D4's bio Dad. The appointment was 90 minutes away and while the drive began quietly, it was pleasant and mixed with a fair bit of small talk. I listened and validated and when sections of the conversation were over I went back to what I was doing (looking out the window). I continued to listen and validate as we discussed D4 and our appointment and I asked her her thoughts and feelings on issues.

Our appointment went well and my wife felt a lot better having spoken to our solicitor. She appeared more relaxed and we discussed D4's situation and the appointment. I continued to listen and validate and expressed my thoughts as "what do you think about..." rather than "I think..."

Conversation flowed more freely after this point, my wife shared thoughts and feelings about other things and we even shared jokes, looks and laughs. We ran a couple of errands, she proposed lunch and the location and we had an enjoyable meal together, then did some food shopping together. By this point, things were very light and enjoyable. We popped into a Target store where she showed me some things she wanted and where I would express concern over spending before, I listened and validated instead.

We stopped in at the fuel station on the way home and since the fuel cap was on my side (passenger side), I got out and filled the car. My wife didn't object to this and even joked with me and then handed me her bank card to pay for it when I was done. We drove home and conversation continued to be light and fun.

My wife was incredibly clucky prior to our situation and I shut her down religiously due to money. My wife's brother is having a baby in a couple of months, a friend of her's is also having one in a couple of months and her best friend has a 9-month old. We saw some babies and lots of baby clothes throughout the day and by the end of our journey, my wife was talking about having another baby and making jokes about our lives with another baby in it. She did acknowledge that it wasn't a good idea right now given the situation. I listened, validated, asked questions where appropriate and joined in on jokes. When she mentioned that it wasn't a good time I replied that it would happen "when the time is right."

All in all, a very good day. As I said, the best day since February. No touching and no relationship talk; just listening, validating, keeping things light and staying focused on the kids and my wife. Now we're back home for the night and I'll just carry on with my night as usual. My wife has gone to the gym and I'm cooking dinner and bathing the kids. When my wife comes home, I'll do my own thing and she's welcome to join me if she wishes. If not, I'll appreciate today and enjoy my own company