Should I stay or should I go now

[Cnfused]

I retained a L and look forward to the future - whatever that may bring. I am happy with the time she has given me to work on myself and if she continues the D all the way to the end - I will be fine. My heart aches for what our S is going to go through. I can only continue to be the best dad I can be for him.

We go to mediation next Wednesday and she wants full custody and I want as close to 50/50 as possible with my work schedule. I'm not hopeful we can come to any agreement so it will be left up to the court. I am hopeful I can get more than every other weekend with our S. He needs me in his life like I've always been and I want him in mine. God I pray this goes well. I will be a wreck if they give her full custody. I've been through this once before and had joint custody with 3 boys from previous M. They are now productive adults and living on their own. Hope that helps...

This could get ugly, but I won't give in on custody just to keep the peace. I don't think W has thought D through financially. I have to just continue to let her go and take this journey. Up to this point I have continued to support her and have continued to deposit my checks into our joint account and that may be ending soon. That may shake her reality/fantasy.

We are still living in the same home and I am either working or doing things with our S. S and I are going to the lake house for Friday thru Sunday. It will be nice to get away from the craziness. Last weekend W came to the lake while we were there and posted pictures of us on Facebook out on the boat looking like a happy family but still pushing forward with D. People tell me how happy we look from the post - God if they only knew.

W has not said anything to her mom about D - I'm sure she will be very upset as MIL and I have always been close. But I do understand blood is thicker than water and I'm not about to break the news. I just find it strange since this is what W wants.

Any advice for the mediation next week other than showing them I've always been there for him and continue to foster a good relationship between him and W. I would be willing to pay additional support if it's the money she needs if she would be willing to give me more time with S. Not sure if I should put that out there yet or not. Probably a question for L but any insight for someone who's been there would be great!

I'm still standing but some days are harder than others and probably some harder ones yet to come.

Thanks for all the support I have received up to this point! We will get through this stronger and hopefully smarter.