You know, Matt, here's the thing about all of this. It's a process - with its own timeframe. You cant rush it along. You have to go through all the steps to come out the other side.

The way I tried to see this was an opportunity for growth. I got to look within and figure out who I wanted to be. I got to figure out what I wanted my life to look like.

Along the way, I had to do some other stuff. I had to grieve my marriage as I knew it. I had to go through all the steps...disbelief, anger, sadness, etc.

The thing I learned is that you need to feel it all. But you dont want to get stuck in any one part - particularly the anger part. Because if you do, it saps your energy and weighs you down.

Now, I am not saying you shouldnt feel angry. I am just saying you dont want to live there. It doesnt serve you well.

You should use it to propel you forward, then, when you can, let it wash over you and let it go.

So, the sooner you start letting go of trying to figure out why your w is acting as she is and blaming her father, the quicker you get to where you need to be.

These are the things that are important: Own your stuff, but only yours, figure out who you want to be, let go of what happened in the past, understand that you did the best you could with the knowledge and tools you had at the time.

The focus now has to be on you and your daughters. You keep putting it back on her and her father. That makes you go round and round. That is energy better spent on you and your kids.

I know all of this is hard to get your mind around. I do. But sometimes you have to just accept what is and try to remember that you will not always feel the way you do today.

I understand that you feel your daughter needs to know what is going on. I just want to say this about that. It is best to keep it simple and loving. There should be no blame or finger pointing. Here's why. That is her mother. You want her to continue to have a relationship with her. While it is theirs to forge, your job is to do no harm to it.

This is tough, tough stuff. But you will get through it.

You get to decide how you do. The only thing you have control over is how you act. And it matters, Matt.