I SHOULD have ignored her depression instead of trying so hard to help her out of it. Trying different AD drugs (I would go to dr with her when the drugs she was taking weren't working), constantly trying to read the latest on how to best treat loved ones with depression. I have stood by her through so much of her "psychological scars" and the damage it did to not just her but my kids as well. Until you live with a depressed person who talks about not wanting to live. Until you have to wake up every day wondering if she will function you have no idea what it's like.
Please don't start thinking you should have done something different, Matt. You did what you could with the information and upbringing you had. Nothing less. Don't start re-evaluating if you should or not.
It's not uncommon on these boards for people to do the same as you describe. Many were planning long-range with their spouse when they got BD, at the spouse's insistence. It's like they live in two worlds - the present and the fantasy world.
Don't beat yourself up about it.
Personally, I think you took a lot of feedback and I think you are one of those people that puts a lot of thought into your next move. When it comes to your D, you are the parent on the ground (so to speak). You know how to handle that best. Trust yourself. Take the feedback, but trust yourself. People here don't know the situation or what you've been through as well you do. Nor do they have to live with what you do next.
We can however point out the things we've learned and how we see things. It's worth looking at.
I feel for ya. You gave it your best. You're in a tough spot. Seen worse, but that's a tough spot to be sure.
Best of luck to you ya. I think you know it'll work out well for you. At some point (maybe now?) you may be wondering why you stayed all through the past years. Be sure you're solid on why you did. It'll matter later that you understand.
And you know this, but - not all problems are yours to solve, Matt.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
