Pattie--I can honestly say that Laurie makes me feel as if my head is screwed on properly. It's a gift all by itself.
PMA UP today!
I just returned home from Dillard's with a gorgeous, drop dead new dress for the event tonight, with some new shoes and 2 new perfumes. I'm SO ready for some fun and for the PMA boost I get from being around all my gorgeous gay male friends. (Yes, they're gonna LOVE my new dress!)
I bought some valentine stuff for the girls and a bunch of really pretty flowers for the table. Off to give myself a quick manicure before my family returns home.
Bob's going to love being seen with me tonight!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I'm so excited to hear that the tide is turning in your neck of the ocean. Thanks for the reminder that rash decisions aren't good for a marriage (sigh).
You are doing so well. Sorry about the earache, I know those are no fun for anyone involved. Take care and thanks again for the support.
Well, the tide IS turning and something tells me it's going to be a rocky ride. Hold on!
I had a lovely time last night...
D9 woke me up this morning to tell us to get up and get ready for church... She had already had a bowl of oatmeal--which she made herself--and was ready to go.
D6 and I just moved pretty slow, but managed to get ourselves together--just in time to get a phone call from Mr. Wonderful as we were ready to head out the door to mass.
He told me that his mom died last night, and that he needed to get in his car and head to Bozeman to help his dad. His brother and their entire family are in NY--spoke to BIL a little bit ago, and he had only heard the news from Mr. W's voicemail to his cell.
So I was the first live body BIL talked to about his mom's death. He was in shock and their vacation (all expenses paid by his company) is now cut short. It was my SIL's and nephews first trip to the east coast--ever. They're catching the first flight home tomorrow morning.
Mr. W. just called me from Wyoming to catch up. He apologized for leaving me in total care of the girls and commented, "I know that Mom has got to be happier."
I told him soberly that I was really sorry that she hadn't really made peace with him. He seemed to have forgiven her and said he knew that she did what she could.
Little does he know that our new priest grabbed me after mass, noticing my tears. He's also from Montana... anyway, I told him about the news and let him know the tears were not from grief but remorse. Remorse that we had a horrid relationship and the hurt it inflicted on the one person we loved together.
He smiled nicely and told me to call him tomorrow or Tuesday and plan on coming over to his place for a nice cup of Seattle's Best (how could he know I love that best?). I thanked him, told him I would, and let him know that forgiving her topped my "to do" list this year and mentioned that it was going to be really hard for me to do.
More healing. More identifying my own faults. More tears.
UGH.
Her 65th birthday was today, and I know this is hitting Mr. W. really hard--he had flowers delivered this morning. Flowers she will never smell (she was blind after cataract surgery in December).
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Oh Betsey!! {{{{{Hugs}}}} I can't send enough of them to you. Please do what you need to to help yourself. My dad died in October, we had not been on good terms for the past couple of years. Even at that, he would call me about once a week to say hi. I'm still trying to get past that.
Please, don't beat yourself up over that R. Remember, you weren't the only person involved in the R.
My prayers are certainly with you and yours. Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Oh Holy Moses!! You have had the roller coaster weekend of a lifetime!
I know you must be going through many mixed emotions over your MIL’s death right now. All I can say (I despise it when people say ‘I’m sorry’ after a loss) is that my prayers and thoughts are with you. Hang in there…
I think that your and Laurie’s assessment of Bob is right on the nose. I don’t consider it manipulative, but you probably coulda guessed that! The fact is that he helps. Period.
Hmmm….maybe I should nix the trip to Florida and take a trip to somewhere really nuts to throw Sting offbase. That might be kinda fun…and it might get his wheels moving in the right direction
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
This is not all your fault. Things happen for a reason, we may not know what those reasons are, God does.
I'm sorry for your loss. We put my dad in the nursing home Friday. He thinks I was planning it and is angry at me. It wasn't me, but, I did what I thought was right for both my mom and dad. No one can take care of my dad. Someday, I hope he realizes it was for the good of all. Because, I didn't want to see him go there, there just wasn't any choice anymore. I didn't want to see an ending of them being together, sad for me but true...
Thanks for the well wishes--they are very much appreciated. (((((Group hug)))))
I think I've mentioned this here before, but MIL had been sick since the day Mr. W. and I walked down the altar. She had emphysema and a heart condition (which is the typical result of a heart working too hard, but she had a hereditary condition as well).
I can't tell you how many times Mr. W. has been summoned to her death bed, only for her to make a miraculous recovery at the last minute. It seems sort of surreal that her passing was done in a very unceremonious fashion. She died in her sleep after her dinner nap.
For her peaceful passing, I'm happy. I pray that she finds peace in her spirit state--something she never had here. I was not the cause of her unhappiness--she was the type of woman who had to have an enemy, and I was a really good one for a lot of reasons. Plus it kept her vitriol toward her own siblings at bay. Very sad indeed.
I forgot to post this yesterday, but when I was talking to my BIL yesterday, he told me he loved me and that when he got home, he was going to put 100% effort into repairing his fractured family. I understood that it meant addressing Mr. Wonderful about the state of our M and addressing his dad (my FIL) about mending things between us.
My FIL had written me a few e-mail notes to tell me that he has felt bad about what MIL felt and said about me. He chose not to set himself up for turmoil and strife by making this an issue. His life was hard enough with MIL alive, so I understand (and understood).
He's not blameless, though. We have joked (away from the in-laws, of course) that each of the parents had to have an enemy. FIL chose to openly egg on my BIL's wife--and when MIL turned on her too, the war got very ugly from their perspective.
Neither she nor I could choose to be on the end of her viputerative nature, so the venom was on her side only. I convinced my BIL's wife to wish her well when she wanted to stress out. We both had difficulty with this, but made a significant effort in this.
We both have to work on forgiveness.
I fully understand that MIL was the reason for our turbulent R. I tried for 12 years to please her--or at the very minimum, try not to piss her off. I realized that she WANTED to hate me, so there was nothing I could do and gave up that fight.
However, not forgiving her has hurt ME, which is why I'm sad. I wish things had been different.
I also pray that wherever she is, she can see that I'm not the bad person she thought I was. I hope she sees that I still love her son and want him to be happy. I also pray that I can learn to find good in her too.
The funny thing is that I think if this had happened exactly one year ago, Mr. W. would have filed for D. I've read enough to know that often big events spur them into thinking that they need to find happiness. In our case, I think Mr. W. has learned over the year that I am not responsible for his happiness or unhappiness, so I hope that he isn't led to make any rash decisions as a result.
I don't think he will...
When he called me late yesterday afternoon, I sensed that he wanted to say he loved me... but instead he just told me that he wanted me to keep the girls happy this week, and knew that I would and he really appreciated it. He reminded me that D9's birthday is Sunday ( I'm the mom, how could I forget?) and he would try to be home for it.
I'll chalk his senior moment up to shock and grief.
Deb--I know that was a really tough decision. We've had extended family members who have encountered the same reaction... one of my aunt's was told "I'm going to die in a couple days of a broken heart, and you know that it's your fault." The other aunt in question didn't pass away that soon, but she tried to make the other aunt assume guilt for a really long time. It's a no-win situation.
But I can safely say that most people look at making that decision as the ultimate last resort... if there were any other viable options, they would have been chosen.
Big hugs to all!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
They're catching the first flight home tomorrow morning.
I'm the mom, how could I forget?) and he would try to be home for it.