I am trying. I know feeding the negativity and anger back to H wasn't helping ANYONE's situation and it made me feel even worse. I can't live like that anymore. I am trying to think more positively about the events that are happening. Maybe H genuinely wants us to get along? Maybe he really misses talking to me, whether it's all for his own personal gain or not? These thoughts make me more empathetic to the situation and to H. But then the thought slips in that he is using me and I feel myself getting angry and defensive again. But so what if he is? As long as I keep my boundaries and I make decisions I can live with and are positive for me and the kids it doesn't really matter what H's motives are. If I can express myself and not fear the backlash from standing my boundaries, then I am good. H has to live with his decisions and his consequences.
The entire situation makes me sad, but I think these emotions are coming from me knowing and accepting the situation cannot work with H as the person he is now and H will more than likely never be the person he needs to be. I think this makes me sadder than anything because H could be such a wonderful person if he only allowed himself to grow.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
