I'm divorced. Been for a while now. Though I feel like I don't belong here, I don't feel like a failure - like I did in the past.
Once the D process was in the works, things moved quickly. My ex moved out and not far from where I live. What hurt the most was seeing my daughter and not spending much time with her. She's in her teens and for the first year of separation preferred to spend time with her mom. Mom wasn't there for her in the past but I was!
Because, of my DB'ing the stress of the D wasn't too overwhelming. With some Marriage counseling I was able to emotionally bounce back. I knew I had no control of the child support so I didn't let that bother me. I thought I was clever in allowing our daughter to spend overnights with me if she wished but that seemed to backfire. She rather spend her days cooped up in her room in a basement chatting on facebook and IM'ing friends.
The first year is the loneliest. Don't expect things to be the same with your children. In my case my teenage daughter chose to spend her time with her friends. That wonderful bond we had is still there but my time with her is at her connivence. Her mom uses our D to relay information back and forth and interrogates her after visits. I don't do this. I took a mandatory class as part of my D about helping children to cope, which as far as I know my ex has yet to take.
Because of the many many years of DB'ing I learned my W may have not ever loved me. I poured my heart into our R and DB'd my butt off. IMHO I was always there and that was something she needed at the time. I'm dating someone now. It's unfair to compare but the new woman in my life seems to really care for me and the feeling is mutual. Sometimes I say to myself my ex didn't do that for me. Sometimes the smallest gesture can go a long way. Sometimes Love is doing the smallest thing for someone you care for
