Wow TL, I'm jealous! You are from what I can see from your posts, quite a catch and he is a lucky guy! I got my W's D petition yesterday. Spoke to a L (and found out I need $2500 just to make sure I get to be in my D's life!). When I got home I was going to talk to my D14 (she still has no idea her mom filed for D!)and then go out for some GAL but I found the cat dead outside in the yard. The vultures had gotten to her and it was bad. So, instead of what I planned I had to take care of burying her. So very sad. One VERY bad day!
I wanted to say that I really am starting to feel different about my W and my sitch and I think you really helped. I see how she didn't even know what was in her petition (told me "I just thought it was standard stuff...") which tells me her dad was the one who did all the work. And, how shocking, he lied about separate property and tried to make my W the primary and the person who had final say on where my D14 lives when my W SWORE she would only ask for joint custody.
I realize now after talking to a few people who have been around for the last several years or more, my W really CAN'T make big decisions on her own. She didn't file before her dad got involved because she just couldn't bring herself to make such a big move on her own. She let him tell her what to do and did it for her. This is what she has been like for years. She would tell me she wanted X. I would make X happen and when it wasn't what she really wanted, blamed me for doing it. Even when she didn't tell me she wanted something if I didn't read her mind and do something she wanted done she would tell me it was my fault and I should have done it! I wish I had a buck for every time she said "You should have known.."!
Which brings me to now. After looking at her and talking to her again last night, I see her for what she really is, a scared little child. She wants her "freedom" but not have to pay for it. Now she thinks she has her father to catch her if she fails so now is ready to move. Until that was in place she was stuck in place but also unable to do the work on herself as she had me and her marriage to blame, no matter that she had the freedom to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted and felt no better, until that excuse gets crossed off her list, she will always blame it and me! It doesn't matter to her any longer how she is hurting anyone else, not even her kids. Sure, a part of her feels "bad" but not enough to stop her from doing ONLY what she wants for HER. Why wouldn't we all just be happy for her?
I saw all this and instead of getting angry, all I felt was empty. I couldn't look at her without seeing this broken person. This stranger who took over my W's body and doesn't know how to be her. She is going to drive over the cliff full throttle, eyes closed hoping to make it to the other side and go crashing down. The way she acts and talks, she really thinks I will still care about her after all this. She really thinks if it turns out that she is making a mistake, she will have a plan B in me. Would you really even think of asking a person who just got served D papers from you that day to do you a favor?
And I thought about you TL. How you have been such a rock through all your sitch. How you just let go and moved ahead. Never letting anything your H did get you down but also never hating him nor needing him back in your life. I no longer want anything from her in the way of relationship. I know she is a beautiful woman on the outside, I remember how we shared 25 years of our lives together and laughed and cried together. But she isn't that person anymore and it's time I became a new, better person myself. I'm finally dropping the rope and turning my back so I can move forward while she runs backward trying to replay a time that is dead and gone forever. I realized that while I was trying to hold on, she was pulling me backwards with her, like you, it's time for me to turn and move forward!
Sorry if I hijacked but I really thought about you and how you have handled yourself as my W walked out of the room, that never happened before and it really helped me focus. Thanks TL and glad to hear about the new someone! (How about the ending on last week's Game of Thrones??)
