Your interaction with your H sounds peaceful. That's a good thing!
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Half of me feels I could perform better for some reason, like keeping the way home paved or being a good coparent, or just plain being an interesting engaging personality. And the other half of me sees no point and is not motivated to do that. If H won't or can't bring a personality to me, I don't feel much interest in bringing one to him. So much for "act as if."
Try to see this as navel gazing, and don't assign much weight to these types of thoughts. Let them in, and let them out.
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We're just an old separated couple waiting for someone to get motivated to process the paperwork. It's on my list but I've been busy/overwhelmed/avoidant.
I get this way with stuff too. Sometimes it's because I know I need some time to gather my thoughts before I jump to the next lily pad. But promise yourself that when your lily pad is threatened that you *will* jump to save yourself and your kids?
Keeping my fingers crossed for you on the job front.
Just a thought... are you creative in some way that could bring you money? I'm going to start "recycling" some of my furniture by rehabbing it with chalk paint and then reselling it. I signed myself and D20 up for a class in 2 weeks to learn the techniques, and then we're getting started on some pieces I already have. Then we'll comb the thrift shops and look for new makeover prospects for cheap. I figure I can use an outlet for that kind of activity and make it bring in a few extra bucks myself. And since my D20 wants to learn something new too, it's a good way for us to spend time together. I see this as a huge win for all.
Chicken, meet egg.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
