Mm I really relate our sitches are so close it's not funny!
If I had not been reading here I would have fallen for his "I was coming back but now you've made it impossible! Line"
He verbaled me calling me names, in a nice voice without shouting! I told him do what you have to, he's taking of dragging me thru court and shaming me! I did say you ain't never ever coming back. He's not remorseful he's still the victim and blaming me! Sigh.... I'm medium rare!
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Hey Starsky.... where are the rest of Pearlharbr's threads.. I read till the end of PH in piecing page #43... where is the rest??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Had a women's group meeting tonight. I didn't realize how much I needed one & ended up bawling in the meeting.
A few things I have learned:
1) Xbf is holding me back in my life (independence, financial & confidence) 2) Its OK to say "NO" to him. I have lived a life (20yrs) accommodating him. 3) I don't want to sit on my parents porch "wondering" about my life 4) I need to acknowledge myself. Be responsible for it.... own it!! 5) Believe in myself.... this is what has been lacking in my last 8 days of my stance. I wasn't believing in myself, therefore why should he? <<< I really see that I haven't believed much about myself. Constantly "looking" at him for his approval of my new position.... I don't need his validation, I need MINE!!
~~~~~~~~~~~ Tomorrow/today (wednesday) is moving day... sigh!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I was about to say the same thing. The sentence formation you use when talking about what is essentially really your own decisions and behavior is often passive and places the verb on the wrong person. How you communicate...how you think...what you believe are inter-related.
HE is not holding you back. Your decisions and behavior with regard to him are holding you back.
HE doesn't bait you. You react to him in one way but could react to him in any other way that you choose.
It's good that you're taking ownership of your life, keep it up. Even when you were in a relationship, and when you are in future ones, that is still what you need to do.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Starsky... ya, it ended right there, but wanted to hear the rest of her story... didn't it end in a marriage??
GM & Advina... I hear what you are saying but at this point, Xbf is actually "blocking" me from moving forward with the finances.. its up to him to present this offer to me, so that I can take it to my lawyer. I am not up for a battle, so am walking a fine line here.
Taking the steps to untwine myself.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Not being up for a battle is your decision based on your thoughts, driving your course of action. He's only driving his own bus, not yours. You take in information, interpret it, and decide on actions as an independent individual. Waiting for him, walking on eggshells hoping it improves your financial outcome, those are choices you make and can own.
You don't have to like what he's doing, but your moves are your own to choose based on what you believe and think. He is not blocking you. You are making decisions, own them.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I hope you will seriously consider removing all your things from xbf's place. Since you have moved, it would be a good time to take care of it. That particular action would support your resolve in dropping the rope. By leaving your things at his place, it is giving him a contridictive message.
And about the business end, can't your lawyer put some pressure on him to do whatever needs done to wind up things? I mean, he may never make a move toward giving you financial independence, if he's allowed to sit there and take his own sweet time. And considering he even suggested possibly helping in getting a house for you, I wonder if he wants to keep you dependent on him.......in some form. Doesn't sound healthy to me.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes, I believe he likes to have me dependent on him as well.
I seriously would like to consider moving my belongings as well. But, at this time... I cannot move it back to my parents home (its too small). What contradictive message is being sent??
As for the lawyer... I don't officially have one yet. So there isn't pressure to be given. I plan on talking again with him this week to see what the hold up is and point out that he is holding me back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday was difficult. Emotional. I was ANGRY at him. Angry because here I am yet again... MOVING & still not into a home with my "family". He was not there (thank god), he was maintaining the business while I did my minor move. I was pleasant with him. He stated he wanted to be out of my hair, but offered to help if needed. At the end of the day, I allowed him to come help load pictures into the van. After that, he wanted to sit outside and enjoy the sun. He even came back & sat down 2-3 times. I offered a beer, he did not want one.
He tried to point out a sexual opportunity to me 3x... I did not take the bait. We did laugh about it, but did not get into the convo with him. He even tried to reminisce about a fun sexual experience we had. Usually, I would have indulged in the conversation & then gone ahead with doing it. Pursuing was my job. Instead, I texted my friend who reminded me that I want "the full course not crumbs". She reminded me that I would have likely felt awful after the fact, having expectations of more (relationship). It seems as tho he is really interested in some form of sexual relationship, but who knows at what cost. I would really LOVE to be sexual with him... but I know, I would want more & he would likely give less. I can't risk that. I know he is not having sex elsewhere, he is too afraid of disease. I know that he is very lonely for human touch & is very vulnerable right now. If someone threw themself at him, he'd be torn.
What are his actions about?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Today: MUST go back to house to finish cleaning..... UGH!!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
