Thanks for the advice. It's been an interesting few days here as usual. I've been trying to follow Sandi's advice that I've seen in your stitch, and continuing to work on detaching. Your right it's so hard to not think of the OM, but it is getting easier and easier.
I do need to continue with detaching, and working on my own issues. This is really where the validation issue comes in. For the last few years of our M, it seems I didn't listen to my wife, and I made all the decisions. She felt trapped and suffocated. My validation is merely acknowledging that I did not listen. A good indicator for me that I was wrong, is if the situation is replayed to me and I cringe, usually means I wish I had done something differently.
I like the ideas for 180s, and the minimal contact. My W is still a bit confused I would think. She texted me to ask if we should go look at an open house in the neighbourhood on Saturday, as it's a house she has always liked. And then she also texted she would be unavailable next Tuesday. Her words exactly were I know this "doesn't really make sense". She's right on that. Obviously, if there is an OM involved, we can't even look at new houses etc. I have no idea where she is getting that idea from, or what she is thinking.
Going to try your suggestions for even less contact and try to see how that plays out. The marathon continues slowly and steadily.
