You wrote about how you used to express anger, thanks, that's difficult to do. What made you change and what were your changes? There is a middle ground between violence and shutting down, would you agree?
Appreciate the comments ^^^ but it is not now all that difficult for me to talk about – I used to get defensive about it though and tell people they were exaggerating. Until I matured a bit, I often rationalized the behaviors as not that big of a deal because any of the physical stuff was directed at inanimate objects and the withdrawing was just childish behavior that wasn’t really effective. Silly right? I know that now……
I changed for a few reasons: always felt guilty & childish after I reacted that way and didn’t like that feeling once I had calmed down, at one point W expressed concern about it and that she wasn’t sure she could stay in R if it continued (can’t recall now if this was before M or in the first couple of years), it wasn’t the example I wanted to show future children and in the end it just wasn’t who I wanted to be anymore.
Yes, agree there is a middle ground. That is where I strive to stay – feeling and understanding the anger but not reacting to it in inappropriate & non-productive ways. Not healthy to keep it all inside and also not healthy to release it the way that a 20-something, military kid chose to express it either!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
