In my all-too-familiar 20-year experience with both my own and many others' SSMs, and studying "mismatched libidos," I have come to the conclusion that you are NOT going to change this. The whole "you can change yourself, and that will force the other person to change" is a fairy-tale.
You have to decide: is this (a sexless marriage) a dealbreaker for you, or not? Is the marriage otherwise happy and healthy? Are you getting what you need from it, other than this one area? NO marriage is perfect, and only you can decide if this is something you can live with or not.
If you push for it, you are "pressuring" them. If you DON'T push for it, she will tell you "Well I know you WANT it, so I can FEEL the pressure anyway!" It's no-win.
There's an old joke, where a man says "I want sex five times per week, and my wife wants it one time. So we compromised, and we have it one time."
Sadly, there's much truth in that.
Starsky
I'm afraid you're right. Terrified, really.
Yes, everything else is great. Perfect, really.
And no, it's not worth it. I do not want a sexless marriage.
I get compromise----I don't want the extra financial expense of being married, for example. Without the marriage, I have more money. But that's not a dealbreaker. Being in a sexless marriate, for me, it's a dealbreaker. I don't think she wants that, not at all, but I don't have any idea that I haven't already tried at the suggestion of others here and elsewhere to get that to happen. She has to learn that marriage is hard work and some sacrifice, but I don't think she will ever do that on her own or with me just asking for it the way success stories show.
