Still feeling so sad. My son leaving has definitely left me feeling vulnerable. I'm proud of him and know he had to go, I've wanted him to go for many reasons for quite some time, but he is my son and I do miss him. My house the past couple of days has been too quiet. S gone, D15 always at a friends and D12 at camp, I feel like this is a glimpse of my future and it is very lonely. I don't like it at all. This is supposed to be the time that H and I are off doing new things and enjoying each other and more time for us. Not divorcing.
I realize I'm having a pity party, and my future is what I make it today. Just feeling really sad and lonely, good thing I have an appt with IC this morning.
I have had more contact with H the past couple of weeks. The last conversation (via text) we had was the day S left. I thanked him for calling S an told him it meant a lot to him, chatted about S for a bit and D12 moving into his room. The thing that bothers me is the way the convo ended....basically he just stopped texting, which is what has happened in the past but normally at a point that makes sense. I had told him that when S hung up the phone with H he said "that's the first time Dad has ever said he was proud of me." Maybe that hit home for him, I don't know.
And this money thing is really starting to get to me. I'm not working at all now that school is out, and with our summer plans it does not make sense for me to try to find a job right now. H is spending tons of money on stuff, which is totally normal for him before we go on vacay, but it is just rubbing me the wrong way....grrr.
On a positive note I have been more productive, house is decent, have done some yard work and been working out some. Focus on the positives! sigh
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since