We spent a lot of weekends together with our daughter which drew us together as she saw me making changes in my life ie being trustworthy, hard working etc.
This time is a little different. We aren't seeing as much of each other as normal but when we do see each other im hoping she notices my changes again.
I'd assume the first thought that will cross her mind is "oh, I've seen the 'changes' before - and they'll fade as soon as I come home." Your job is to show that the changes are NOT about getting HER back, and are NOT temporary, but about YOU becoming the best you that you can become. Takes time and probably more drastic/noticeable changes.
As for the weekend. It went very well bar a small (or large) blip. I got painting done. I told her I'd stay the night if she needed help with daughter if she was going to hospital to see her dad and if not I'd go on home. She asked me to stay. So we had pizza and a few glasses of wine with a DVD. Daughter was put to bed meaning that WAW and I would more than likely be sharing a bed again. But then D was feeling ill so I went and lifted her into WAWs bed and said I'd sleep in D's bed. Thought that would be a sensible thing to do for D and me not looking like I wanted to share a bed with WAW again.
Since I think you'd mention if you are a mute person, why on earth didn't you just ASK your wife what she wanted, vis a vis where D was to sleep? Not about where YOU sleep, but D...?? Think about it...stop the mind reading b/c that's a lot of the old you and it's NOT helping...show the new COMMUNICATIVE you.
Next day she went to work. I left D to school. Finished painting and helped tidy things in house to help WAW out. She came home for lunch and we talked a little about future plans of our house (it's in negative equity and will leave us with huge debts). Ahhh....Such a bummer. In our state, to my delight, I learned that the loans are "non recourse" so that if you have to walk, the bank gets the house but cannot get YOU. (In a way that makes sense b/c with a car, for instance, if you fail to pay they can go repossess it. They don't ALSO sue you for unpaid amounts, but some banks seem hell bent on doing just that. However, Most won't).
Check that out with your bank, meaning, is it a "non recourse" loan? If so, that means they cannot get you personally, for the house. Incidentally, nearly all primary mortgagees in California, are non recourse.
Second, figure out if the bank really would come after you and IF SO, for how much. My brother had a short sale and the bank compromised with him. You need to speak to the bank about it and SHOP around if other banks are available. Our main bank stinks, btw...any program that "helps" homeowners but also charges them money for it, is NOT considered a legit company...my neighbor learned that the hard way.
anyhow...
So as she discussed where she plans to live, she mentioned not living in city as it was too far from her family. I suggested (knowing that I should listen only) but you did it anyhow. I think I'll cross out what I believe you should NOT have said, okay?
it would be good for her, financially and socially, but she again said she would be lonely. I told her she'd meet someone. She said what would happen if she didn't. I told her that I'm sure she's been chatted up loads recently and she'll meet someone for sure. She again repeated what if she didn't meet someone....
ALL of this is nonsense for you to comment upon. What are you, her girlfriend?? STOP talking about her single life!
and this is the mistake I made. "Sure you can just go back out with me again" D'oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think ALL of it was goofy on your end. Just LISTEN and echo the least crazy things she might say like "yes, that would be closer/farther to/from your family" and add NOTHING... To be fair, I said it with a little joking laugh while she laughed with a nice smile. Not a dismissive one or anything, so I suppose that's good. But a mistake by me all the same. see above...
Anyway, just received a text from her thanking me for all my help again over the weekend and that the bathroom I painted was looking great. I simply replied "Anytime". I didn't get into a convo like I normally do. How about "you're welcome", instead of adding "anytime" b/c frankly, that's NOT really something you need to say. Besides, it's not true is it really?
So, I plan on not texting or ringing as normal and won't be going to house to paint for about three weeks so hopefully going a little dark will keep a little momentum going.
In the meantime it's back to golf this week. Good plan!
Any feedback again would be great. Ty
Ty, see above and remember, often STFU is a good SMART thing.
Now's the time to be a great dad and a ROCK for your wife to lean on when it comes to her grief, or family issues, but NOT about her future as a single woman. Period. When she goes there, you can stay silent. If she actually asks you questions about how HER life will be after she leaves you, you're free to say "I can't really address what your single life will be like, b/c I'm working on MINE..."and switch topics. Let her call her bf's for that type of girl talk.
The Men in our lives are not here to tell us how to get along without them...
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
