I had a lovely weekend with D2. The weather was really nice (cold but calm) and we played together at the park and with my mum/her grandmother. D2 is such an upbeat beautiful person and I feel very grateful. She’s learning to speak so well, and says such amusing things.
I dropped D2 off on Sunday evening at W’s place. I was 30 min later than last week (still within the drop-off time we agreed). I saw W for the first time in crunches and felt sorry for her. W didn’t offer me a tea. I was gutted about this, particularly as last time I’d felt so elated, but I did not let it show. I figure W probably doesn’t want to give me false hope; doesn’t feel comfortable with any defrosting (assuming some might be happening); I had offered help when she’d broken her foot and perhaps she sees that as me trying to use that to get to her; wanted to put D2 to bed. This is all unhelpful mind reading, I know. Surprised me the following day just how bad I felt about not having a tea, though. But sitting with/paying attention to the feeling that was sadness was also useful as opposed to ignoring it or letting it be masked by anger.
W also said that she was thinking about going back to her parents place (2.5 hours away) given that her work was ok with her ‘working from home’ and it is easier for her to manage D2 there (her parents work on the same location). This means that I don’t get to see D2 for lunch this week, but I can understand the situation and said so. W offered a potential meeting next week (instead) so I will follow that up.
Otherwise my life is good. The recent work trips brought to the fore some of my emotions about some work opportunities as people questioned my availability. I was more relaxed when this happened and said I would be open-minded. I figure that if someone makes me an offer, then there will be something real to consider and I will consider it and be closer to real feelings. In the meantime, I’ll keep trying to make the best of this role and stay monitoring other opportunities.
I’m conscious of pressure on my finances in part driven by expenses/inefficiencies of not living in a couple. And certainly due to my spending habits and history of living on a larger income, but I am trying to improve. GAL and budgeting are uneasy bedfellows for me.
