She left - 4

[gogofo]

She did, but I should clarify further my comments.

I talked to her again about what she felt during those times and if she did feel suicidal. She said she did not feel that way, but did feel like she was going to die if she did not get out. Not physically die, but lose all that she valued in herself and any part of her that was left. She was open and honest about how she felt during that time. The comparisons to the feelings felt by those who are suicidal came from her knowledge and from the help she had.

I asked her about the EA. She said it began in mid December after she had decided to move out, but was waiting through the holidays. It wasn't something she sought out but it started when a co-worker mentioned he did not want to go home and mentioned issues with his wife. My W then opened up a little bit about our situation to him. They would have brief talks and calls on the phone. She said they only met once on a personal level for coffee at Starbucks. It went on until February and she said there was a mutual end/fizzle out as there was nothing there. They were confiding in each other and she did have an attraction, but there was no acting on it. It also ended when he told his wife they had been talking to my W about their relationship. She wrote the notes in the book and also left a note at her office.

We talked about why she felt the need to stray and we talked about how to prevent things like this from happening again. She started to cry and expressed remorse about doing it and she hoped I would forgive her. I shared how the EA made me feel and how I went through a whole myriad of situations from nothing to full blown PA and had to deal with those feelings before talking to her about it.

We then talked for three hours about different issues in our previous R and what and how we can do to prevent from falling back into the same situation. It was a very open and intimate conversation that was deeply satisfying. We are still learning and discovering better ways of communication, and are sharing them with each other.

She expressed how on Memorial day she had a very great day and then told me the specifics about it. She was happy that in the morning we showed signs of the old us when planning the day. She suggested we go do some cleaning at my place and I sort of disregarded her idea and said I wanted to have fun. When showering I realized that was old me stuff so when I was done I told her that I did not mean to blow her off and invalidate her idea. I was embarrassed that she felt the need to come and clean our old home. We then planned a day of a fun picnic, cleaning, and cooking a meal together. She expressed how great each parts of the day were from my sharing of feelings, to planning a day of fun and cleaning, and then still having time to cook together. I thanked her to telling me this and encouraged us to share specifics like this about what we like. I told her I new she enjoyed the day but did not know the specifics.

We also talked about different things we were learning in our books we have read. She told me she thought the 5 love languages was silly when I brought it up and she took the quiz. Now in a book she is reading it have been referenced and referred to and it made her laugh when she read it. Now she says she understands more about it and finds the idea interesting.

After this conversation we shared a very intimate "I love you" with each other, the first time since working on us. We also shared how we feel more connected and know that we were missing these types of talks before and need to make time for them in our new R.

Things are going well and we are even planning on selling our old home, where I am currently living, and us living together again. We are not doing it soon but figure in at the very least not until end of this month, if not later.