Agree with all. Grab hold of yourself, focus, forget about your w and film.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Just got back from lawyer. It's going to cost me $2500! Went to W's L and signed wavier. I can't believe it but she wants to be primary on custody, decide where our D will live and go to school. At least now I know that, at age 14, the court WILL defer to where SHE wants to live and with whom. As of a month ago, my D stated she wanted to stay here with me. Her mom has been working on her since but my D knows who's been there for her and who hasn't. The L couldn't believe my story and kept not understanding WHY exactly my W wants a divorce. He said it happens but he has never once seen someone who leaves just because they are unhappy BE happy once the D final.
Now I need to find the money to pay this guy. Oh, and my W has said all this will take time but he doesn't see this going more than 60 days. My W knows this. Once again she will say anything to get me to do what she wants me to. I really hope she understands what is coming. I will not give up on my D and what is best for her. I am now going to totally stop any interaction with my W. she has proven herself a liar and is so hoping I will just lay down for her! Not going to happen. She is suffering from what most people would see as a mental illness! Well, the truth will set ME free.
I'm going to suggest where ALL your mental effort should be placed at the moment, imo.
-Finding a lawyercheck -Finding a job/income -Asking parents to help with the finances -Your daughters -Getting your own checking account.
You need to focus man... on what NEEDS to be done in reality, laser sharp focus... RIGHT THE HECK NOW... your daughters are too important to be spinning wheels and energy elsewhere.
Your W and FIL are NOT on the above list.
What steps need to be taken to accomplish the above? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` What's next, Matt?
On my way to meeting about start up and how much, if any, money I can pull and how soon. Than it's on to my dad (a call I dread making!) The Petition says she isn't allowed to make changes to bank accounts but she did just that when she moved her pay from joint to her own account. She just texted me that the bank that turned down her refinance on her car (something she said she had to do if she was going to move out) now is approving that. I am certain that my name is also on that loan and I don't see how she can do this without my signature. I also am sure the only way she got this is because her dad co-signed.
It also says she can't take ANY loans out. It did state that the car was her separate property but that's bull as the down payment and the monthlies came out of joint funds! She bought that car when I was making a lot more than her! She can't just call it separate property because she wants it to be! Not only that she is asking ME to text her the phone numbers and get a payoff letter! She wants this she can get it herself! I also don't see how she can just want it to be separate property and do this without violating the court order. Of course by lying and saying this is hers and hers alone she thinks she can do that. Anyone have any idea about if that is legal?
My apologies if I got your daughters' condition wrong b/c you are correct that it's easy to confuse similar (but different) stories here. However, on your first post, you wrote about your wife's behavior from awhile ago:
About 7 years ago her grandfather (dad's) died after long illness after moving to live with her dad. He lives 900 miles away and he called and asked my wife (stay at home mom) to come and help him with memorial service for him. She was to stay a month with me coming up the last week and we driving back together in a car her GF had left her (she took kids). When I got up there she was a different person! She had left the kids either alone or with her brothers horrible ex-wife and troubled kids every day so she could spend time with her dad and his new wife. She was mean, insulting and acting selfish. The third day I was there her dad came to me and said that he was having a dinner party for my wife but there just wasn't room for me or our youngest daughter, 7 (oldest wasn't there that day)and to "stay away" and not "bother" the party! My wife went along with this.
The next day I told her I was going to fly home with the kids. She could stay as long as she liked but it was certain she didn't want me or them there! She begged me to stay and said we could leave the next day and I relented but we stayed another 3 days and she didn't change her attitude! This when I found out her father had told her he wanted to "make-up" for all the bad he had done over the years but that he thought she was wasting her life as a stay at home mom and she needed to LEAVE ME so he and she could do things together like go to Europe for a month! When she got home she said she felt depressed and ended up going to the dr and getting dignosed with depression. She spent the next 3 years on drugs for depression and our lives never have been the same. ----- She was so depressed that I really took over around the house anyway as she was always "too tired" to do anything like clean. Well, when she went back to work she really threw herself into it and I tried to be supportive. One day I found her crying in our bed. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't feel she was "part of the group" of other women at work and felt left out. I told her to just be yourself, be interested in them and they will come around. DUMB! She started to spend ALL her time with her new friends at work. Refused to do things with me nor the kids but always was going out with her friends doing the same things she refused to do with us! She refused to go on vacation with us ---- Our sex life stopped and she was always mad at me and at work or with her friends from work. I tried all kinds of things to get her involved with me and the kids but nothing worked. She started to get mean and cridical. 2 years ago on our anniversery she told me that she wasn't "attracted" to me anymore but that blew over (still almost no sex).
THIS^^^ is what I was referring to. Since your d is old enough to choose for herself, and since your wife checked out awhile ago, I stand by a lot of what I posted earlier.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
You let your lawyer worry about that...that's what you pay them for, to take those kind of questions out of your mental space...
Concentrate on what you DO know, and can control...
--You are meeting with start up to see about money. Good. --Calling Dad. Good.
Applying/networking for other work? How's that going?
This^^^... And please take the advice about GAL. It's the only way to detach, and detaching is the only way you can stay sane.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks 25. Just got out of meeting but no resolution as of yet. This will take some time. I really thought I would have more time but not anymore. Thanks for the post. Yes, that trip was the start of 3 years of total he&L. 3 years of being so depressed she was unable most days to get out of the chair she decided was the place she felt best. I never could understand why she stopped cooking meals, doing things as a family, she said it was because she was isolated when she was depressed and went a little 'crazy" when she had new friends. I had worked so hard to get her through those years and I just didn't want to believe it was all so she could just abandon not just me but her kids as well. She has always favored our oldest D who just turned 18. One time about 2 years ago, she told a story to both of them one night when we were all together. My D who was 12 at the time asked her if she had a favorite, her or her sister. My wife looked at her and said (I kid you not) "I loved (sisters name)from the moment she was born. It was a love so strong I had never felt anything like it before or since. When you were born, it was different. I was tired and I really didn't even like you. You were crying all the time and I just was so tired." Even my oldest looked at her slack jawed and said "Mom! How could you say that!". My W stammered and added "But you grew on me and now I love you very much" but the damage was done. My youngest was so hurt by that and my W just blew it off! This was a year before B-day and I now know that she was in MLC but at the time I just couldn't believe it. I still think that she is doing this now because our oldest D is out of school and she just isn't as worried about or cares as much about youngest D. Our oldest was always more like her mom and my youngest was daddies girl but this is just what I think and mind reading on my part. Not a good thing to do.
I know that my W sounds so awful when you look at these things and yes, there are many of them. But there were times that she was loving as well. Times when she was my best friend. It's just that those times became less and less as she became more and more selfish and 'unhappy". Looking back on these things I wish I had seen them for what they were; an indication of what was to come if big changes weren't made. Too bad I didn't know about MLC or DB then!
As for job, I have been looking and emailed a couple places. Sales jobs are hard because most are very vague and don't go into detail about where or how much. Many are just commission or muti-level things and you need to weed those out. Going to go out GAL tonight I hope. I had planned on it but that was before money became so hard to come by!
