We had a fight again last night. I never got angry, but I don't know how to not call it a fight. I tried to communicate, she instantly shut down, so then I tried to apologize and that made it worse. "Why do you do this at bedtime," is what she says. She had said a week or two ago she still wants me to kiss her goodnight every night. But last night again she just went ahead and got ready for bed with me in it and without kissing me or asking for a kiss. I asked if she still wanted a kiss goodnight, then the next thing I know she's cold, distant, even asked if I wanted a break.
I don't want a break.
I feel like she's completely unwilling to compromise. I can't get her to put in any effort into keeping the marriage strong.
Like, today, I wish she would try to think positive thoughts instead of harboring this resentment, making it worse in my absense.
Meanwhile, I'm being more patient than I've ever been to not only keep quiet about my feelings and how hurt I feel (not to mention faking feeling good around her the rest of the time), all while my own needs aren't being met at all. It's definitely not 50-50 in our marriage right now, but I don't know what else to do.
I brought home some earrings and a necklace for her yesterday after also scheduling the lawn guy, trying to make an appointment for a personal therapist for me as well as a marriage counselor (which is not covered on my insurance, it's covered on her but she hasn't done anything), ate dinner with her, talked to her, kissed her, hugged her, watched this show she likes called 'Breaking Bad' which she knows I don't love because it's very intense and stressful but we started watching it this weekend for the first time in months. I didn't bring up my feelings. I didn't once try to initiate any sex (it's been a month at least, I can't remember anymore).
How can I convince her to try? Like, marriage is hard----that's what I read everywhere. You have to put in effort on BOTH sides, do things you don't want to do sometimes just for the sake of the person you said you loved 7 months ago. I told her this morning to stay positive. She could barely look me in the eyes. She started crying, which she said was because the dogs are at the kennel to be spayed today. I know that can't be all of it.
I don't know what to do. I CAN'T convince her to try, all while I'm supposed to be patient for another month and not EVER talk about my needs and EXPECT them to not be met? Is that love? Isn't that explicitly too much to ask?
It's June 3rd. I with I didn't have to wait so many days for my posts to show up in this community.
