What is my Next Move?

[Oxford1]

Big question, has anyone on this board actually seen an affair end with a wife who keeps traveling to meet and live with the OM?

Don't know if you've ever ran across a poster that went by SM34, but your W reminds me of how his W made no attempt to cover up her A. He would stay home and keep their child while she spent the weekend with AP.

He tried to find ever excuse in the book as to why she was having an A (other than pointing the finger at him, of course). And I think he wanted somebody else to do the work of busting up the A (and was really hoping OM would just end it). He would not accept the fact that he had to improve himself. So, he would wait until the A fizzled. Then, happy day! OM cheated on his W and SM34 thought his problems were solved. What he was not counting on was the little gift she brought home. No, not a baby. STD!

Here's the really sad part. He immediately started repeating his bad behavior pattern with her. He had not learned any new R skills and had not improved himself as a man. He was advised to get both of them to a good professional quickly, but he would not listen. In a few days of her A ending, he suddenly stopped posting and we have not heard another word.

I said all of that b/c your stitch reminds a little of his. He would not take a firm stand with his W. She didn't respect him. He did nothing to repair the M. He thought they were reconciled,but she simply got dumped by OM. It didn't fix their problems.

Why are you looking for something or somebody else to do the real work? This is not for a lazy person. This is not for a coward. I hope you are neither. I also hope you don't wait too long before you start standing up to her, as I fear SM34 did.

Hi Sandi

I have been working on myself. I have read divorce busting, surviving a affair and Love Busters.

I also finally found an IC who wants me to save my marriage and wants to work with me on keeping the little boy needy part at bay. My old IC wanted to break up my marriage saw my wife as a she devil and never worked on me...

Anyway, when you say get tough on her do you mean like a Dr. Harley Plan B or just a 180 type arrangement..

The counselor told me to put up with some of the pain of her affair right now and prove that I am they type of husband no woman would want to leave...

After all she did return to the home and wanted to do things together , but still went to Israel to see OM for a few weeks.

Except for minimal contact during a conference call about my son, I have had no contact with her at all. While she is away, but she is aware of this.

Thanks for any advice I am willing to try anything...it's just that a full on plan b might not be feasible at this point.

Thanks.