Well, I get what you are saying. The thing is she needs to know that things are changing quickly and that her mom plans on going VERY soon. She was out looking at places over the weekend! She needs to know that she will be making a choice very soon as to where she will live until this gets resolved, that is why I said that her mom is leaving. You're right about the tone with her mom but she knows my dad was going to pay for school and now that can't happen. She also knows it's what I want for her but not her mom. She also knows her mom wanted to try living on her own sometime but now she isn't content with that anymore but I guess that can wait as well.
I'd like to wait and do it together but my W just keeps putting it off. I just made an appt. for tomorrow morning with a lawyer so that begins tomorrow. I also contacted 2 others so I will try and find the best one.
I'll re-think what I'm going to say but I can't not say anything. Ugg!
Not to quibble, but why can't your dad pay for the school? I mean, how is it related to your wife's choices? And how's your job search going?
I never did understand why you called your w a stay at home mom, and then say she's the breadwinner. What happened?
As for what to tell your d's, let me tell you what our family therapist said about this.
"Do NOT tell your kids you are getting divorce unless you are 100% CERTAIN that it's happening. And only when it's not in the too distant future, do you tell them and you tell them together".
NO blame at all. Never from your mouth and don't let family members bad mouth her to your daughters either.
Your daughters are not fools. They have eyes. If you have been enabling your wife to absent herself for this long, then in their eyes, you can't really blame her now. They may say "oh, NOW you blame her for leaving, b/c she's with OM or acting single, but you let her treat us badly for a long time. She left US a long time ago..."
I'd only say things like "She's confused/searching" IF & ONLY IF you are forced to say something about who wants what or about her, specifically.
Don't worry that you'll be dissed by not blaming her; it's just the opposite. Also, bad mouthing the spouse is called "parental alienation" and you can LOSE CUSTODY if you do that. (You may want your wife to know that as well)
You are modeling for your children what a man of honor and self respect and compassion, does when he faces a blow to the heart.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
