Today I'm assembling documents to take to my first attorney appointment. Feeling AWFUL, angry with him for bailing on a half day with the kids, angry that we are in this place rather than dealing with it like we care about each other, angry that we couldn't have dealt with it before it came to this (some of that anger is self-directed). Uncertain about his feelings, because he has been so reluctant to talk about lawyers, etc., and then aggravated because waiting around for him to take care of the relationship is part of how we got here.
And then at the bottom of all of it is a horrible deep sadness, because I care about him and miss him, and I miss the good guy hiding inside the crazy selfish lost person who is making all these hurtful decisions. And I don't want to be divorced from him.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
