Hi Bright, well here we are still. debating ripping that bandaid off. my h too knows that i am here to take care of all kid stuff. of course I do! I am still in my certificate program at school. Will finish late sept and then get a job. BIG changes coming my way. I will look for the positives there and hopefully not be afraid. I must learn, I must really let go........
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Bea, thanks for stopping by. I value your opinion, you are one of those who’ve been here for a long time and have observed a lot of stories. Yes, I feel like the new job is taking my mind away from H, at least during the day. “Couple of years time” sounds a bit too distant and a bit discouraging. Is he really this slow, or the way he is now is going to be forever. This is just a rhetorical question I keep asking myself. Everybody says he a foolish man, but obviously he doesn’t think so.
I know that I need him go completely, I just haven’t figured out what it means for me. I’m not contacting him, not pursuing, not asking for anything, not even complaining, I completely left him alone. I know that deep down I’m still attached and want to control the situation. And I bet he can feel it. I’m just afraid that once I completely let him go, there will be no way back.
Willbwell, thanks for the comments. You are going to have a lot of good things coming your way. You deserve it.
So, the latest update. My sister had a b-day party for me yesterday. We cooked our special food and had a great time. My son and his GF came, so did my BIL (H’s brother) with his GF. I shined and laughed… We didn’t even touch topic about H, like he didn’t exist. I just realized that, wow.
H called today to wish me a happy b-day. I was very upbeat. He asked if I had any plans today for my b-day and said that we already had a big dinner yesterday. I told him what we cooked, he used to love this dish. He asked me who cooked it, my sister or me, and I said that we did it all together, we cooked it on the open stove outside. He said “wow”. He asked me who was there and made a guess that his brother was there too. I said yes, and he laughed (his usual reaction when he hears something good he expects to hear.) Then he told me that he was going to watch a soccer game. I said that it sounded exciting. He was pleased to hear that, but said that there are not too many American fans of soccer, so he is probably going to have a hard time finding the right bar with the game on. I agreed. )He is probably not going to have anybody to go with him either, I was his soccer fan buddy in the past.) Then he said goodbye and have a great day, I said same to him. It was a short conversation.
I also received a b-day card from him yesterday. Interesting that he cared to mail it and even on time. This time it was not a neutral card, like he sent last year, or any of New Years cards he sent in the past. It was a funny card, right in line with his wicked sense of humor. He always sends these kinds of card to all his relatives and friends. All his overseas friends always look forward for his X-mas cards, because they can be very explicit with the humor.
So, I don’t know what to think about this card. Obviously I’m trying to analyze again, but just for the sake of it. I’ve seen this card with a bunch of other similarly humorous once at the vacation home back in January. I was curious, so I looked through all of them. And I remember seeing the one I just got, I was kind of curious who it was for, because it mentioned yoga, and none of his relatives or friends do yoga as far as I know. Now I think that he picked it for me. What a thoughtful guy, LOL.
Well, new day, new week tomorrow. I am moving forward.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Sorry if I depressed you with the 'two years'. I am afraid that isn't a long time in MLC land. Sounds like you had a pleasant interaction with him.
I have come to believe that they do feel guilty but it comes out in strange ways.
Probably better not to analyse, but I do wish that MLC was better understood. Our lives are hit by a bulldozer, or railroad car, and we have to crawl out from under the wreckage to get on with our lives. If you have ever been to a divorce support group or talked to a group of people who have gone through divorce there seems to be a real difference between those who have come to a managed agreement even though it is still painful, and those of us whose partner appears to decide in a very short period of time that they never wanted to be married to us, and ascribe all unhappiness to our existence.
What Beatrice says. I know she has been dealing with this for much , much longer. However, I too (and I could be wrong ) don't think a person in MLC has the capacity to work on a marriage. Why? I don't think they can *work* on anything.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Sounds like you had a great day w/friends and family. I'm glad all of you got together and had some fun. I also glad your h remembered your special day. As for analyzing the card...don't do it. Sometimes they have moments of clarity and will select nice cards or do something nice for us...but soon they are back in the think of the fog.
It's a new week w/plenty of things to do and keep your mind busy. Try to do something nice for yourself...okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bea, I know the time is different for MLCer. It did seem like it stopped for me too. Only now I’m feeling that I am finally starting to move on a little. There is no question that my sitch is a lot better compared to others, and yours specifically.
Georgia, thanks for stopping by. Yes, H wants to simplify his life, not “work” on something, LOL.
Job, thanks for b-day wishes. I do have things to do this week, but H keeps “popping up” (more on that later.)
Wonka, have you officially declared me a single woman, “Mr. Bright”, LOL?
I started a new week at work today, and there is so much to learn and do. I thought that after the last text exchange with H I could breath for a couple of weeks without him reminding me about himself. Well, he sends another text today, right before when I was going to a meeting. He asked what version of business software we have and if he needs to buy a single or multiuser one. I replied a couple of hours later, after the meeting, saying that I think it is a single user, but I could be wrong and I would have to look it up when I get home. He replied that the upgrade is on sale until tomorrow. I didn’t reply.
I know that the messages about the upgrades show up periodically when I open the software. H never paid much attention to them, especially in the last couple of years. So, WTH? A guy who wants to get rid of the computers all together is now trying to keep up with the upgrades. In his text to me he actually asked if “we have been sharing” the software versus having multiple users. We? If he is trying to take over the business activities because I got a full time job and not involved in business anymore, who cares if this is a single user or multiple users? He could have done the same thing here as he did with the credit card, like update the things without letting me know. I don’t get it.
Another thing… I have received a B-day card from his other brother and his wife who live in a different state. Obviously it was the wife who wrote on the card, but I got the mini letter in it, not just b-day wishes. She told me about her kids, about her dogs and about her broken arm. At the end she said that she misses seeing me. That was another WTF moment. She didn’t write like that since H left. They were always very formal with their cards. I will write something similar to her when I send her a card for her b-day in August.
Now I am hoping for a productive week, hopefully without H’s interventions. I really need to concentrate on me and my work right now.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
H texted again today asking me if I checked on the business software and confirmed if it one or multi user. I texted back with the info. He texted thanks. So, will see if he buys it and lets me know, since I will have to download it to my computer.
Why he would not leave me alone now, when I actually need it?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Well, got another text from H today informing me that he sent an e-mail with the details regarding the software. Then he asked “Is there a visa statement there. It is due on the XXth and I don’t have a copy.” I replied back thanking him for the info and told him and I probably already paid the visa and it should be recorded in QB. He sent another text telling me that he forgot how to reconcile the accounts in QB (Quick Books) and that he will send me updated file tomorrow.
I checked my e-mail later and there were a few e-mails from him with the details of a QB upgrade that he apparently purchased.
OK, I’m going to do some analysis here. Just for the sake of it. If he knows that the visa bill is due on a certain date, he was checking it online and should've seen that the payment has been already applied. He can also see the payment check in QB. If he could figure out how to purchase the upgrade, he definitely can figure out about the payment. Is he just playing dumb?
Then this sentence “Is there a visa statement there”… I guess he didn’t want to say “in the house” and he didn’t want to say “in your house”. So, my house is kind of a nameless place. My first impression was that he didn’t want to point out that it is indeed my house. I know, sounds like some sophisticated analysis here, but I trust my intuition on this. When he wanted to point out that it was my house, or my bedroom, etc., he just said that.
So, tomorrow he is going to send me a file. I’m just curious what’s next. What other stuff he will want to contact me about. I’m nice about responding, but I really would not mind him to go away for a while. It doesn’t bother me as much anymore, I mean these contacts. I realized that all my reactions were because I still wanted to have some control over things. I’m slowly letting it go.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
