Dealing with an ongoing affair

[PeterV2]

I'm getting some good info from "Worn Out Woman", but the extreme Judeo-Christian angle is a little distracting. My W is a non-practicing Muslim, but brought up in that culture and not too familiar with the extreme bible-thumping viewpoint. We're both very spiritual but tend to shy away from dogmatic religious haranguing. I can read between the lines so to speak and see the message being delivered. However I'm afraid my W would find it hard to swallow from such a dogmatic point of view.
Still a good book and lots of valuable material. Thanks for recommending it.

Update on the state of affairs:
We spent the last couple of days preparing and hosting a BBQ for her mum's going away. We had 65 people over at the RH for the BBW this afternoon. Everything went really well. This evening when everyone left W & I sat and drank some wine with our feet up and talked. She feels trapped so I suggested that I do the night shifts for a couple of days so she can go home and relax. She is afraid of me grilling her on what she did and where she went and with whom she was while on her own. I didn't reply to that. She's not sure of what's going to happen when her mum leaves. i.e. she doesn't know what she wants to do about us.
We dug back into our past again and I was blamed for a lot of stuff that lead to the A. Not listening to what she wanted. Not getting help for myself when that was suggested. Anyway, I still told her I don't want a divorce. That I'll try to help her in any way I can for her to find herself.
Am I being too accommodating? I told her that the pain I felt was beyond anything I had ever experienced and that I was in a very dark place the first month. That I had resigned myself to divorce and was looking to get laid via the internet for a couple days (with no success may I add). But I also told her that since then I've done a lot of soul searching and have committed myself to saving our marriage.
We parted on a fairly good note, but she still thinks I'm not being truthful about some things. I don't know what she's referring to. But if the past is any indication, tomorrow she'll be more understanding. It's still a very fragile state of affairs and I have to be kind and patient.