Wife in MLC and getting ready to leave #3

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=Matt165]Thank you all for your comments and help.
I have heard my FIL say exactly what I quoted from his own mouth when I was in the other room and he didn't know. He has said it in the phone with her as well and again I heard what my W said and it was answering the same statements.

Sorry but I can't recall which quotes go where. But I guess your point is you were quoting.


He started by trying to keep not just me but her kids as well from her when we were there for his fathers memorial service. He told my W he saw me make my oldest D cry by being mean to her and I can tell you right now that NEVER happened. He made my younger D cry for an hour because she disturbed his dinner party that he wouldn't allow me or her to attend (was for my W).

^^ this is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Your wife MUST notice that HER OWN child was shunned so even if you are the big jerk your FIL might say you are (and what does he know if you all barely interacted with him all these years??) your d was still wounded. Why??


She believes this lie even though she knows I would never act that way. She didn't until her MLC but now it a good reason to hate me.


You are mind reading here^^ b/c none of us know what the WAS or MLC "believes" AND perhaps more importantly, THEY may not know.

AND even if they did and even if you knew what they thought, that's one moment in time and it CHANGES...a lot...

I just had to listen to her scream about her car payment as she needed to pay it herself.

You do NOT HAVE TO LISTEN to anyone scream at you. Set a healthy boundary and enforce it. Not being screamed at is a basic requirement of communications.


How its too high and that's my fault even though she had to buy a car that cost double what mine did! I should have refinanced it. Her car. I tried but was turned down but that doesn't matter. She gets mean and nasty. This is why I payed the bills before now. She can't handle the stress of it. Money has always been a sore spot because when her dad left, her mom was left broke.

Most women value the financial security and protecting a provider, gives. That's not an attack; it's an observation.

Now, he never did anything wrong. 25 years he was so wrong, now he's a victim because he tells her she is right.

My W is 47, not early 40's but this started when she was 43-44. I do know she is in peri menopause and is on hormone replacement for it. It isn't the cause of her MLC but I'm sure it doesn't help.

What difference does any of ^^this matter to you IF she won't seek help?

The rest of what I wrote was addressed too CW, NOT you...


And I don't agree ALL women go thru this. I think my W's awful childhood and teenage years have more to do with this MLC (as well as her father never accepting her for her or showing any love to her).

Clearly.

Yes, I'm sure there are things I could have done better in our marriage. I did contribute to our R problems but not so bad as to warrant her leaving and not even trying at all.

If you cannot be more specific^^ then it's harder to help you find and do the 180s you need to do. Plus it makes it appear as if you only blame her, and that's what happens when we are in pain and feel victimized.

But you can empower yourself by working on YOU. The best news a MC ever gave me was NOT that I was 'right' & H was "wrong/being selfish/acting like a single man" (which 3 marriage counselors told my h to his face. And it changed NOT ONE THING in him.) He said I had "brainwashed" them, even though we'd never met...not a lot to do when a MC tells you that you're fine and your h is a jerk...

What does one do with that?

But when I had something to work on, in ME, then I could do something about it!!

I was NOT powerless, and neither are you.

When you realize this^^, you'll be on your way to becoming a man only a fool would leave and then, my friend, you can hold your head high and leave it in God's hands.

And know that you really really will be alright, and so will your children.

So do the work, and go in peace.