What to do

[Ben2010]

So Ive been seperated from my wife for almost a week now. We have been married almost 2 years. Our problems started about 8 months ago. We both work fulltime and she had started school for nursing. I was told that during the nursing program it would be hell on our M. I didnt know what they meant until it happened. She was going to school 4 days a week very early in the AM and working after that until about 10PM. I didnt have any issues with that other than the fact that she was spending so much time with her sister instead of me. She would always make excuses that she didnt have time to do anything other than work and school but still managed to make time for the sister. It caused major fighting between us. During this time she also found porn on the computer, which she hates and is disgusted by. It has always been a problem for me. Im pretty sure its on the level of addiction. This caused more major fighting that never got resolved. We have never had a great sex life and that could be due to me looking at porn, not sure. I have always been attracted to her just didnt feel like doing it most of the time. We had kind of stabilized for a few months but i decided to start going to the gym in an effort to make her more attracted to me as i thought this was the issue with not wanting to spend time together. This is the part where i really messed up. There was a group of us from work that went together, about 6 of us. Slowly it dwindled down to just me and another girl from work. So we would always work out together. One night after the gym I was sitting in this girl's car smoking because it was cold outside and her car was warmer than mine. I know that i shouldnt have done this, but i wasnt thinking correctly. The wife was apparently spying on me at the time...She came up to my work the next day and lost it. She asked the girl if we were having sex. Of course she said no because we were not. Which i also told the wife. This of course caused major issues for us for quite some time. Although right after that the wife took me to a sex shop and bought some toys and wanted to use them. I guess this was to show me that she was open to doing whatever, not sure. I thought we were going to be ok but it never went back to normal. We have been fighting off and on for the past few months now. The other night i asked her if she wanted to have sex, she said no. I got upset with this of course. We got in a big argument and she told me that she wasnt sure if we could make it or not. Of course i always asked her if she cant forgive me for issues then why doesnt she just get a divorce. This appears to have been a mistake. She told me that she didnt want a divorce but wanted to go stay with her parents for a while to see if we can miss each other enough to make this work. I agreed to this but when it came time to do so the next night I didnt do so well. I started crying and told her that I would get help with the porn thing and also go see a counselor and doctor about my massive mood swings. Thats another issue, she claims that i have always been mean to her throughout our relationship of ten years, 2 years of M. I realize that its a problem for me. I have been on anti depressants before and they worked until i had sexual side effects. I stopped taking them. She says during that time period that i was the nicest i have ever been to her. She left last Tuesday. I went to see a counselor on Thursday. Set up a doctors appointment for this tuesday, the earliest i could get in. I am serious about fixing myself. I know that I need some kind of help. When she left the last thing she said to me was to not give up and not doing anything stupid, a referrence to suicide. We talk on the phone almost every night since then. I dont ever call her. Ive been reading this site since it started. I dont text or email first. I try to be the first to say goodbye, doesnt always work. Always try to stay positive during the conversations. The problem is that when we talk it is never about anything that pertains to our R. She even goes as far as to tell me that she feels bad because she cant do anything with her friend next weekend because its her nephews graduation. Not that she feels bad or even requests to see me. She seems to be having the time of her life without me. I have not seen her since she left. I feel like this is very early on but I dont want her to forget about me. Its getting harder and harder to not lose my mind over this. I want to call her and I want to see her. She doesnt seem to be interested in any of that. All she took with her is work clothes, so I know that she will have to come back to get some of her stuff sooner or later. I have never been on this end of the R, always been the one with the power I guess you could say. I dont go out of my way to push dates or anything. It has always been her. This drastic change makes me think that things are not going to work out. Someone please give me some advice for this.