[BrightFuture]

Bea, thanks for stopping by. I value your opinion, you are one of those who’ve been here for a long time and have observed a lot of stories. Yes, I feel like the new job is taking my mind away from H, at least during the day. “Couple of years time” sounds a bit too distant and a bit discouraging. Is he really this slow, or the way he is now is going to be forever. This is just a rhetorical question I keep asking myself. Everybody says he a foolish man, but obviously he doesn’t think so.

I know that I need him go completely, I just haven’t figured out what it means for me. I’m not contacting him, not pursuing, not asking for anything, not even complaining, I completely left him alone. I know that deep down I’m still attached and want to control the situation. And I bet he can feel it. I’m just afraid that once I completely let him go, there will be no way back.

Willbwell, thanks for the comments. You are going to have a lot of good things coming your way. You deserve it.

So, the latest update. My sister had a b-day party for me yesterday. We cooked our special food and had a great time. My son and his GF came, so did my BIL (H’s brother) with his GF. I shined and laughed… We didn’t even touch topic about H, like he didn’t exist. I just realized that, wow.

H called today to wish me a happy b-day. I was very upbeat. He asked if I had any plans today for my b-day and said that we already had a big dinner yesterday. I told him what we cooked, he used to love this dish. He asked me who cooked it, my sister or me, and I said that we did it all together, we cooked it on the open stove outside. He said “wow”. He asked me who was there and made a guess that his brother was there too. I said yes, and he laughed (his usual reaction when he hears something good he expects to hear.) Then he told me that he was going to watch a soccer game. I said that it sounded exciting. He was pleased to hear that, but said that there are not too many American fans of soccer, so he is probably going to have a hard time finding the right bar with the game on. I agreed. )He is probably not going to have anybody to go with him either, I was his soccer fan buddy in the past.) Then he said goodbye and have a great day, I said same to him. It was a short conversation.

I also received a b-day card from him yesterday. Interesting that he cared to mail it and even on time. This time it was not a neutral card, like he sent last year, or any of New Years cards he sent in the past. It was a funny card, right in line with his wicked sense of humor. He always sends these kinds of card to all his relatives and friends. All his overseas friends always look forward for his X-mas cards, because they can be very explicit with the humor.

So, I don’t know what to think about this card. Obviously I’m trying to analyze again, but just for the sake of it. I’ve seen this card with a bunch of other similarly humorous once at the vacation home back in January. I was curious, so I looked through all of them. And I remember seeing the one I just got, I was kind of curious who it was for, because it mentioned yoga, and none of his relatives or friends do yoga as far as I know. Now I think that he picked it for me. What a thoughtful guy, LOL.

Well, new day, new week tomorrow. I am moving forward.