Thank you all for your comments and help. I have heard my FIL say exactly what I quoted from his own mouth when I was in the other room and he didn't know. He has said it in the phone with her as well and again I heard what my W said and it was answering the same statements. He started by trying to keep not just me but her kids as well from her when we were there for his fathers memorial service. He told my W he saw me make my oldest D cry by being mean to her and I can tell you right now that NEVER happened. He made my younger D cry for an hour because she disturbed his dinner party that he wouldn't allow me or her to attend (was for my W). She believes this lie even though she knows I would never act that way. She didn't until her MLC but now it a good reason to hate me.
I just had to listen to her scream about her car payment as she needed to pay it herself. How its too high and that's my fault even though she had to buy a car that cost double what mine did! I should have refinanced it. Her car. I tried but was turned down but that doesn't matter. She gets mean and nasty. This is why I payed the bills before now. She can't handle the stress of it. Money has always been a sore spot because when her dad left, her mom was left broke. Now, he never did anything wrong. 25 years he was so wrong, now he's a victim because he tells her she is right.
My W is 47, not early 40's but this started when she was 43-44. I do know she is in peri menopause and is on hormone replacement for it. It isn't the cause of her MLC but I'm sure it doesn't help. And I don't agree ALL women go thru this. I think my W's awful childhood and teenage years have more to do with this MLC (as well as her father never accepting her for her or showing any love to her). Yes, I'm sure there are things I could have done better in our marriage. I did contribute to our R problems but not so bad as to warrant her leaving and not even trying at all.
Yes, as usual Wonka, you are right on the money. I've started looking and am going to speak to my partners as well. They know things are bad at home and it won't be a surprise to them. There may be a way for me to get something part time and still working the start up with less hours. I had hoped to use any money from my parents for D14's school but now that will be impossible. Her dad is helping her now so she just doesn't care anymore. In fact if my D goes to public school, my W won't need to pick her up after or take her in am. She doesn't want this "burden" and has even told me how the school in area where she wants to live is "better" meaning when she stays with me, I'll have to take her and pick her up. God forbid she do something mother like. Doesn't fit in her fantasy!
