Hi LanceSijan.... I am very curious about this... the mind set of a MLC.
Do you know how long it took before Stayed's wife, decided she had enough and was able to drop the rope? Stopped chasing & was able to carry on?
After Stayed felt the danger & reality smacked him... what did he do next?
Its really sad that it takes the drastic measure of reality before they smarten up... too bad that they cannot realize it in the moment (it would save a lot of heartache, funds, etc)
I too have spent a lot of my time apart from Xbf assuring him that I was still his anchor. (good way to call it!!). I understand completely that he is wanting to watch his movie play out, with the comfort of knowing I am still here... except I have changed my dynamic recently... I've turned the lights on in the theatre...THIS SHOW IS OVER!
Did they reconcile?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Sorry Lance Sijan is still tied up over at the Hanoi Hilton after being shot down in his F-4 and then winning the medal of honor so I will try to answer for him
Yes Stayed is reconciled with her husband, her bomb drop was around Oct 2005.
I think he was in the FOG about 3 years and then even when they got back together things were still not totally smooth.
Originally Posted By: stayed
Quote:
Could you or your H answer this question? When your H 'woke up' was it suddenly or gradual, Did he start to see that he was living a fantasy and yet run back into the fantasy and in their word ping pong about? What really made him realize; beside you moving on and scaring him that his happy ending may not be a reality, when he was ready; (in his movie) that he had to do something Now and not tomorrow??
Sorry, I didn't get back to you sooner. I asked my h personally about your question. No, it was not SUDDEN, it was very, very slow. He says he started having more and more realizations that the situation he was in, was a HUGE FANTASY. He also became worried that he could end up with NOBODY.... ME OR HER... OR ANYBODY else for that matter. He told me it was like having 2 people living within him. One was his intellect, that knew he was being really stupid.... and then another emotional person, who wanted to believe that his relationship with the OW was different, then others, his was true love. He said the emotional one was much more powerful then the intellect, although, he thinks he hated to admit he could be JUST as stupid as anybody else.
Everything about us annoyed them, even if we got hurt, somehow, it was our fault. We were doing it to get their attention... or just get any attention. Really crazy thinking.... they are the teenagers, they never were.... defiant, mean, belligerent, arrogant, aggressive, passive aggressive, not very nice teens and would have been quite a handful for any parent.
hope this helps .... hugs...
I was trying to find the exact time line but I can't for the moment. Just know that Stayed advises all LBS to look out for themselves first. Really we can only control ourselves and we must protect ourselves too.
Sorry Lance Sijan is still tied up over at the Hanoi Hilton after being shot down in his F-4 and then winning the medal of honor so I will try to answer for him
Thanks Cadet
You know that I was a cadet once too! Graduating in 1965 - I think we may have even attended the same school. Since I just got back from Hanoi I thought I would bump up this thread for everyone's entertainment.
Sorry Lance Sijan is still tied up over at the Hanoi Hilton after being shot down in his F-4 and then winning the medal of honor so I will try to answer for him
Thanks Cadet
You know that I was a cadet once too! Graduating in 1965 - I think we may have even attended the same school. Since I just got back from Hanoi I thought I would bump up this thread for everyone's entertainment.
Sorry Lance Sijan is still tied up over at the Hanoi Hilton after being shot down in his F-4 and then winning the medal of honor so I will try to answer for him
Thanks Cadet
You know that I was a cadet once too! Graduating in 1965 - I think we may have even attended the same school. Since I just got back from Hanoi I thought I would bump up this thread for everyone's entertainment.
Please enjoy!
Hey Lance, just wanted to say Hi !!!
Boat....how have you been ?????
Lance ???
Cadet ?? Congrats on the new "Mod-Ride" Hannah : )
Right to the point of the LBS reality. The choice we need to make. Continue on with the pain and madness or getting off the ride. Either way, something needs to change or , as the letter says, TWO lives will be destroyed. We have a chance of making ours better with or without the MLC. For 3 years, I continue living for him and goimg up and down with him until I realised that a life without him could NOT be worst than this. He lost me!
