Wife in MLC and getting ready to leave #3

[25yearsmlc]

CWS,

you need to start your own thread. The comments below are for you, not Matt,

and this is his thread.

I did the same when I first came here, but it's important that you have your own story and get posts for your own situation.

Hi Matt, I know what you are going through...I am currently 7 months separated and it's no fun. I have 2 younger children who are my world. It sounds like your wife is in her late 30's to early 40's. Have you noticed that this is the age that magically all these women seem to get like this?

Um, Excuse me? Are you a scientist who knows ALL about ALL women? Do you think blaming "those wacky hormones" is helpful? Here??

I think it deflects from work the h might consider doing...

Or maybe you should avoid ALL women from the age of 40 to, say-60? But for sure, never ever look in the mirror to see if YOU played any role in your marital problems. Better to blame the "crazy women" for all of it. That way you won't have to "do" anything but blame her.

Of course menopause affects women, differently and at different times, just as low testosterone and ED affects men. Wanna chat about that?


You might want to research perimenopause. This is the timeframe of hormonal imbalances. My wife already suffered chronic depression before this hit and she was a sitting duck.

How did YOU show HER support for her "chronic depression"? Btw, In one study, 90% of women who are treated for depression describe their husband's as "critical" and or "Controlling".


I am slowly starting to see some of the old her...now that she is on a new drug. I truly believe the chemical changes they go thru in their body accounts for a lot of their new personality. It amplifies everything they see a problem to the point of being irrational. I was a complete mess for the first 3 months but feel world better right now...it's still hard when you have kids. Point of this is: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It [censored], but you will get to the other side one way or another.

So what are you DOING new or different? Just hoping the doctor can "fix" her?

Mental illness sukks and I certainly know that. But anyone inside a relationship with someone suffering, must ask themselves what role THEY Play in the relationship issues.

it's way too easy to blame the alcoholic or depressive, for ALL the problems, and to ignore our own actions and words. Way too easy and in the long run it means that the non drinker or healthier person ends up not working on themselves so all the children see is the ill person and the enabler, or worse.

Don't model powerlessness.

If you want to be empowered, take ownership of your own life, and let her take care of hers.