It got hammered out, that she would meet me at the unit, take the kids for the 90 min I needed and then brought them back for me. It was fine. I didn't ask anything, probably was not as courteous as I wanted to be, and had to stop my mind from thinking where she had been and what she was going back to. I have my most difficult moments when I know she is in the company of the OM. I think that's pretty normal. I was in a great PMA on the outside when I saw her, but inside I was hurting. Badly.
Probably if I'm honest with myself, part of me wanted to disrupt her time with the OM and remind her she has children. I'm not really proud of that, but admitting that to myself tells me what I need to work on. Being genuine in my actions with her, and not doing certain things to try and get results from her. Reflecting on this, it's easier to see than when I was trying to figure out what to do. Hindsight, now if I could only go back 18 months......
Still, I am not going to rely on her for anything. Nevertheless, this whole thing is unfair and unreasonable as you said, so true. Tells me I still need so much detaching. I've held on and strong for a long time, but sometimes it just takes a little something and I'm snapped back in. Oh well. No confrontations, and I just got my little monkees to sleep. Now to make some plans for GAL.
