Working on detaching but need some advice quickly. W called me this morning and wanted to meet for lunch to "touch base". We met, ate, made uncomfortable small talk and then she asked me "where I was" (with the separation I guess). I told her I was going to counseling to work on some of my issues. She thought that was good. I asked where she was and she said that during our 2 weeks apart she thought she would miss me more and she didn't at all. She said she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. I told her I was moving back this afternoon because it was my house too. She said we need to have a plan then. I asked her what plan and she said for splitting up stuff and who would move out. She actually wants me to participate in a divorce I don't want.
She said she doesn't want to be married to me and I shouldn't want to be married to someone who didn't want to be with them. She thinks we should sit down and civilly discuss how to split up our stuff for the D. I kinda just hedged and said OK or let me think about it. But one thing is clear...she definitely thinks D is the only answer and wants me to be an active participant. I told her if she wants D she could go file but she sad she didn't want to "do it that way".
We talked about OM a bit. She is still in contact with him, mostly over text and phone but who knows. She says their relationship isn't what I think it is. She just needs someone to talk to. BS. I told her that her relationship with OM was inappropriate and needed to stop.
How do I handle this situation where she wants me to participate in the D like I want it too, which I obviously don't? Is she playing mind games, gas lighting?
She implied that basically we can do this the easy way or the hard way, but she didn't say those exact words. I don't know if she's serious or not.
Also i should mention she is still wearing her wedding rings (guilt?) And she has had 2 sessions with the individual counselor (same counselor i'm seeing). He plans to eventually get us back to couples counseling after we work on our individual issues.
