I'm Just About Ready For The Fork

[ericmsant2]

Tad

She is living her life on her terms. Right, wrong or indifferent...what she said is how she feels. Does it suck to see the kids go through this? Yes. Can you do anything about it? No.

[beatrice]

Tad - you HAVE to let this go.

My xh is really this mean, and there are many others like him - he doesn't use those words, but he is that unreasonable/cruel/hurtful/irrational/ obsessive etc. It isn't unusual for a MLCer - your xw is more foul mouthed than some, but that is style not content.

However, I am not interested in a blow by blow account of conversations - I got the gist of a particularly hurtful one from my youngest son recently, but not the details and we dropped it. . That is how you survive. Reliving this stuff isn't good for anyone. It isn't worth spoiling your time. Your son is an adult, and while he will turn to you for support, you do not need these re-enactments.

MLCers have to be right, and they do not care who they trash. It is that simple and that awful. The 'nice' kitty kitten MLCer is a rare creature.

They are that awful. It is so sad for them to be stuck in this horrible mode.

Focus on your life, and don't expect any change from your w. Apparently if they ever change we will know!! Or so I have been told.

[exquisitetobe]

Beatrice is right..

My XH is like your XW. My kids heard those exact same words but with different name calling.

You can predict the MLC outcome if they don' t figure their sh*t out. They can work on themselves like each and every one of us on here did. They have choices and options like everybody else.
They don' t need our shovel, they have one of their own. Let her dig her bed and watch the show. You don' t even have to be the voice of reason, just be the role model. Your boys know none of you deserved this. They see a sick woman. They' ll have anger, compassion, pain but they' ll always have you. CONCENTRATE ON YOU !!! I get angry just like you when my kids are hurt but my kids are GOOD kids and are very smart.

[exquisitetobe]

I have a question: How do you wish your son would have responded?
I would have wanted my kids to shut the door of the conversation after the first name calling. Role model.. BOUNDARIES !!! NO ABUSE !!!
Your sons will set boundaries with her..

[LoisB]

I have a question: How do you wish your son would have responded?
I would have wanted my kids to shut the door of the conversation after the first name calling. Role model.. BOUNDARIES !!! NO ABUSE !!!
Your sons will set boundaries with her..
_________________________

ExQ: That's how I want my girls to react. I want them to be strong women who refuse to tolerate that sort of abuse.

[AJM]

Does this or will this EVER end?

Great question, Tad. Nope. At least not until you end it by letting go.

I've seen similar (we're almost blood brothers, right?)

So let me recap - you have a good lead on a good job. Awesome!!!!!

That's what I took from this posting

The stuff with your ex? I'm not in the least surprised, Tad. I wish I was sometimes, but I'm not.

I'd suggest to your son that if she starts using language like that with him, that he tell her that he misses his mother, but he won't be spoken to like that by anyone. Good night.

And ignore the rest.

It's not pleasant nor what you want from your mother, but let's face it - it is what it is. He will need help learning to deal with it.

Your shock? I'm surprised at you at this point, Tad. Is there anything she can do that would truly shock you at this point?

Maybe join a circus? Get an Alan Funt back mural tattooed on her back? Work with lions and jump from airplanes into burning circles of fire?

She's not much different than other mean and nasty MLCr's to be honest. We see a lot of it on the boards. I see it personally from my ex, her H, and my daughter.

How long does it last? Until it stops.
Why does it happen? No telling, Tad.

How long do you feel it? How long do your boys feel it? Until YOU stop expecting anything different.

I am very happy for your niece graduating. I'm not surprised by the pics, the invite, the ex not having anything to do with her own kids, blaming you, calling names, hurting, etc, Tad. That behavior will continue for a while I'm sure.

Good luck on the interview. I've been praying for you and I really do hope it goes well. If not, there will be more opportunities. I'm also very glad you are getting back into your life and your previous career choice. I think that's a great idea!!!


AJ

[AJM]

Oh. Meant to mention - do you see it Tad? Do you see it's not you even more clearly?

Do you see that your sons never did anything to deserve this and yet get the same treatment you do?

Do you see that you cannot help your Ex? But that you can help your sons by leading the way?

AJ

[job]

Tad,
I'm happy to read that you may have a lead on another position. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

I have to agree w/the posters about this latest drama that's going on w/your xw and the boys. Your xw is doing some of the things that they all do. Your son is old enough to cut her off when she starts talking to him in a disrespectful way and if he's in her presence, walk away and do not engage in an argument. Why are they saying goodnight to each other? He's not a little boy any longer.

As for being an active member to celebrations and events that your family puts on, well, that's on them...but she's not even related at this point and is considered an xw or just a friend. It'll get old and eventually she may stop going.

I realize that your son needed someone to talk to, but you and only you, need to determine when the conversation needs to end. You see, you've gotten yourself all spun up over stuff that doesn't involved you at all. What's happening is that life didn't turn out the way she thought it would and she's now reaping what she sowed in so many ways and guess what! You didn't have a hand in any of it. Your sons are in the same boat that you are...being punished for something you didn't have a thing to do with. It's all about her and her little fantasy world not being what she wanted.

Tad, your sons have to figure out a way to have some sort of relationship w/their mother. It's not your problem to deal w/because they are grown men and if they can't work it out w/her, then they shouldn't have any contact w/her at all, i.e., possibly bare minimum since she tends to fly off the handle quite a bit.

Tad, focus on you and searching for a job. It's up to your sons and their mother to figure out what type of relationship they will have, if any. Stay out of the line of fire.

[uRworthy]

Oh, Tad, my friend. I know it was hurtful you werent invited and she was. But you know what? People do stupid stuff. Who knows why?

The thing is this, you keep trying to figure out crazy. You have been for years. And you just cant. You know why? Cuz you aint crazy. I mean, thats really the only way we could understand, right?

Your son needs to set a boundary with his mom. He is old enough to handle it on his own.

You need to stop thinking about her, man. I mean it. You just keep going round and round. It doesnt serve you well. All it does it leave you dizzy.

So, you felt hurt. It's done now. Shake it off and move forward.

Put all your energy into you, T, and your sons. Anything else, just doesnt really matter.

YOu only get this one life......and you get to choose what to make it.

Choose well.

I am praying for you that you get that job. I think it will make a huge difference.

Til then, the world is waiting............:)

[tadpole1025]

Thanks for the input everyone. I managed to get 2 hours of sleep this morning. Yay me.

You are all right and I know it. I just thought that we were done with all of the anger and spew because to be honest, it had cooled down quite a bit in recent months.

I have a question: How do you wish your son would have responded?

I wish he would have just let it go and be the bigger person. I even told him that, but he was just so mad that I guess he had to get it out. I've actually told all of them that on previous occassions.

By the way, as of 3 hours ago, she was still spewing at him and complaining that she doesn't ever get any birthday or Christmas gifts from him. Unbelievable. I did talk him into just ignoring her and letting it go. Things are now quiet.

Yes AJ, I guess we are pretty much blood brothers by now. I actually chuckled when I read that.

Do you see it's not you even more clearly?

Do you see that your sons never did anything to deserve this and yet get the same treatment you do?

I do see it, but these are her kids man. Her kids. She has pretty much told them all at one time or another that if they don't like what she has done, they can all just pretty much f*ck off. HER KIDS.

I'd suggest to your son that if she starts using language like that with him, that he tell her that he misses his mother, but he won't be spoken to like that by anyone. Good night.

Good suggestion. The funny thing is, when she first moved out, she told everyone that she doesn't use that kind of language anymore because she was "above" all of that.

Why are they saying goodnight to each other?

I don't know. She has managed to tdo hat just about every night since she has moved out. Personally, I believe it is to make herself feel better, but that is just my opinion.

So, you felt hurt. It's done now. Shake it off and move forward.

This is true, but the bigger issue for me was the fact that she can't seem to stay away from my family when I was threatened with bodily harm and law enforcement if I even talked to hers.

In other news:

I found out about an hour ago that my nephew (the one that graduated this week) blocked me and deleted me as a friend on FB. My God. What is she telling these people? That was my dead brother's only son and we had started to get close recently when my mom got sick. Now I am blocked. Ug!!!! I don't understand. Why? As I said, I thought we were done with all of the venom and anger. She must be telling some really good lies about me. Why is she starting all of this again? She has now managed to singlehandedly turn everyone against me with the exception of my dad, my sons and my little ratties. Although, I'm sure she'd turn the ratties against me if she could.

I was thinking this morning while trying to sleep that (believe it or not) I might actually feel a little sorry for her new husband because as S27 told me once: "I'm sure she has told him NUMEROUS lies." The truth always comes out I think and God help him and her when it does.

I also feel bad that HER choices and HER actions have ruined her relationship with all of our sons. She was such a wonderful mother a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Thank you all for the prayers and good thoughts. I REALLY NEED THIS JOB. It would be a wonderful help and be a big boost to help turn my life around.

Tad